DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

  • HAPPINESS DEPENDS
    ON EACH PERSON
  • By Nhat Quan
    ---o0o---
    Each person exists in this life, each has different living conditions; some have abundant wealth, eat well, and dress well, on the contrary, there are poor people who lack everything. However, in terms of spirit, no matter how much money you have, without a deep insight into real life, it is difficult to find complete happiness. As for those who have a hard life, but always have a peaceful and pure soul, they can still inherit the good and beautiful things in this life. Therefore, happiness or suffering depends on each person's concept of life!
    Of course, living in this world, everyone wants to have a warm, happy life. Perhaps because of that need, some people use all their abilities to think about doing business, hoping for a bright future. Although this way of thinking is correct, there will be something wrong if you always aim for happiness in the future and accidentally forget the beautiful and happy things that you have in the present. For example, grandparents, parents, siblings, and many other conditions are also positive factors in creating happiness. However, you do not accept and inherit, so that one day, when your loved ones are far away and separated, you regret it too late! It can be said that the way of living indifferently towards your loved ones and forgetting what you have is a huge shortcoming and disadvantage for those who do not live in peace in the present. Your habit is that when you have not finished this task, you are worried about other tasks. Even when you sit down to eat, your mind is still not at peace. Work always urges you to eat quickly so that you can go do this or solve that problem. And so, you are busy all your life, until you die, but everything is still not resolved. Perhaps because you are too busy and worried, so few people in this life have complete happiness.
    Everyone has to work, no matter how little or much. However, for those who have a thorough understanding of all life's problems, each of their actions can bring peace without having to wait until after the work is completed. That is the truth; this requires you to contemplate yourself to see that truth. Because happiness is an attitude of life, and depends on each person's concept, not necessarily changing the situation, or because of other objective conditions.
    Happiness is first of all when you have a pure and free soul. Your mind is not entangled in things that happened in the past, and does not bother to look forward to or wait for anything in the future. Because both of these tendencies are unreal, if your mind is often stuck in the above two ideas, life becomes restless and miserable. Therefore, the Buddha taught that:
    - Do not seek the past
    Do not desire the future.
    The past has ended,
    The future has not yet come,
    There is only the present dharma
    Insight is right here.
    The above sutra shows you that happiness is made of the material of the present. And you just need to fully contact what is present in the present, then you can enjoy the joy completely, without having to wait for anything else! On the other hand, human life is too fragile and temporary; you cannot be sure how long you will exist in this world. Therefore, promising and expecting good things in tomorrow is an extremely wrong way of thinking, wasting and losing a whole life!
    Therefore, in daily life, you need to know how to look back at yourself to discover and inherit what you have. To have a deep insight and understand all the problems of life, you just need to quietly observe your body, mind, and current situation, objectively and honestly. No matter where you are, who you are in contact with, you should observe like that. You record everything that happens exactly as it is, without needing to use any other methods. This observation does not let the mind be distracted or let go of the present, and there is no need to make an effort to achieve any lofty goal. Because many times that effort is silently created by the ego, to satisfy the more subtle ego, not an effective method to help you escape the suffering of birth and death. Simply:
    - When you walk, you clearly know that you are walking, when you sit down, you know that your whole body is sitting down, when you lift your teacup to drink, you know the delicious taste of the tea, that's all!
    It's simple and natural; there's no need to follow any rules or principles. When your mind is not stuck anywhere, at that very moment, you are free, peaceful, and liberated. At that time, you live in this life, no matter how many difficulties and adversities you encounter, your soul is always calm, peaceful, and at ease! On the contrary, when you don't know how to create your happiness, you always tend to have to rely on someone to feel comforted. That makes you weak, lack confidence, and find it difficult to stand firm when you no longer have a familiar spiritual support.
    Therefore, to have self-happiness, you should not pamper yourself too much, because then you will have to depend on the presence and support of others to feel happy. And so you will not be able to find and create happiness by yourself, but on the contrary, you must always be attached to friends and lovers to feel comforted. When you have no one, you easily feel sorry for yourself, need someone to cling to, and sometimes easily fall into bad jobs or relationships. Therefore, the basic thing is that you must know how to make yourself happy without having to depend too much on others. To do so, you should:
    1- Practice self-control
    Each of you has a weakness that, in many situations, these weaknesses can knock you down or make you collapse, unable to adapt to new requirements or circumstances. Especially those who are too dependent on love, when their love is lost, they will collapse, those who are addicted to shopping, they will be depressed, sad because they do not have enough money to shop, those who are too fond of having fun, they easily collapse when the doctor warns them not to drink alcohol...
    Therefore, to control these things, you must train yourself to be self-controlled from a young age. The two factors that create autonomy are independence and will.
    Independence helps you always know how to rely on yourself, stand on your own two feet, and overcome obstacles with your inner strength without depending on anyone. A strong will helps you overcome temptation, laziness... in other words, overcome yourself to find happiness.
    2- Arouse passion
    Everyone needs to have passion, have aspirations, have dreams. You will be a failure if in life you do not have any passion, any love for any good things, because then you will be disoriented, undisciplined, have no motivation to strive, no joy, and true happiness.
    On the contrary, with passion, you will always have the light of aspirations and success to guide your way; you know how to make yourself happy. So, whatever passion you discover, try to continue to follow the path you like. Of course, these passions are all good. With passion, you will succeed and have motivation in life. Trying to force yourself to follow a path that you do not like is just a burden on the long road of life.
    3- Know how to balance life
    A lopsided life is not good at all for your comprehensive development. Many people are so busy that they forget to rest, do not learn, learn and explore the world outside of life. On the contrary, if you only like to play, do not worry about working, have no motivation towards future success, you are too rational, or too emotional... All of the above are imbalances, causing you to stumble into one of the things beyond your ability, will be stuck, make mistakes, and solve everything in an extreme way.
    Therefore, you must know how to balance emotions, reason, book knowledge with soft skills, combine work and entertainment, train intelligence with physical training... Balancing everything in life will create a solid tripod for your life in the future.
    In the direction of happiness according to each person's concept, instead of having to change the world around you, you first need to change yourself. To do this, there are some habits and behaviors you need to change. You have to face reality and understand your difficulties so that you can give up bad habits and start new, healthier habits.
    However, making decisions and making changes can be a difficult journey, but it is not impossible to overcome. Usually, you often give up bad habits related to health, but there are also unhealthy habits related to money, career, and life that you need to change. And this is the time for you to say goodbye to bad habits so that you can see yourself more mature and more confident. Below are the seven most common habits that you should give up so that the path to happiness will be closer to you:
    1- Don't hesitate
    Don't hesitate with your goals. Some of you work hard to succeed, while others just sit around daydreaming, indecisive at the right times. So keep calm and set yourself the following principles:
    - Don't leave until tomorrow what can be done today.
    That is the immutable principle that you need to have. Nothing stresses you out more than not finishing a task. The secret to moving forward is simply to start. Starting at its beginning is essential to creating motivation to do the work. So instead of daydreaming about a task or problem, focus on completing the first step. Remind yourself:
    - I started this task with a small step and completed it. Gradually, the small steps will increase, and eventually you will see big and rapid changes.
    2- Don't shirk responsibility
    Don't blame others, but learn to apologize. Stop blaming others for what you have or don't have, or for what you feel or don't feel. When you blame others for what you have experienced, you are shirking responsibility and only prolonging the problem. Don't give up your rights, but take responsibility for your own life. Blaming is just another form of self-justification, and making excuses is the first step to failure. Only you and you alone are responsible for the choices and decisions in your life.
    3- Don't be afraid of change
    Most of the time, you feel satisfied with what you have while the world around you is constantly changing. Learning to accept change is essential to happiness and success. Because only when you change, you grow and realize that things that you thought could never change, actually do change.
    And never forget that, whether the current situation is good or bad, it will change; that's something you already know for sure. So accept that change will always happen for a reason. It may not be easy or obvious at first, but in the end, everything will be worth it.
    4- Don't be self-deprecating
    Don't put yourself down, because nothing makes you more pessimistic than low self-esteem. Thinking is a great tool when used correctly, but when used incorrectly, it can be detrimental. Pay attention to what you think. There is always a monologue going on inside each of you, but you don't realize the influence of those words on yourself.
    5- Don't criticize others
    Criticizing and hurting others will gradually make you lose your happiness. When you feel truly accepting of your shortcomings, you will not feel uncomfortable with the shortcomings of others. So stop judging other people's shortcomings and look back at yourself. Keep yourself busy with growing and improving yourself, so you don't have time to criticize others.
    6- Face every problem
    Quickly solve your problems and fears instead of running away from them. The best solution is to face every problem, no matter how complicated it is. Fear often makes you lose opportunities and makes it difficult to make decisions. Fear often keeps you in a small corner to make you feel comfortable, but your life is made up of many small and unique experiences that require you to expand your life.
    7- Don't be ungrateful
    Not everything that happens in life fits together perfectly at first, but gradually you will realize that they fit together perfectly. So be thankful for the things that don't fit because they make room for the right things to come. And be thankful for the people who walk out of your life because they make room for others to come in. So every morning when you wake up, be grateful for your life, whether it's good or bad. Somewhere in the world, some people are fighting for their lives. Instead of thinking about what you lack, try thinking about what you have that others don't. Remember, you get peace of mind, not by thinking about it or imagining it, but by quieting and relaxing your restless mind. So every morning when you wake up, the first thoughts that appear in your mind must be good:
    - Today is a beautiful day. What should I do to make it worthwhile?
    - Wow, I am so lucky to have delicious and comfortable food every day like this!
    - I am blessed with three lifetimes of blessings, what more can I ask for!
    These are questions that make your mind excited and go up. The funny thing is that your questions or thoughts do not need to be based on the practical foundation of life because your mind will know how to respond to these requests. Just direct your mind in a good and happy direction, and peace will come. To be effective, you must do this continuously without interruption. When you do this continuously, your mind will create a bridge with the brain, known as a mental connection between the state of mind and positive thoughts every morning when you wake up. As recommended by the Venerables Ones, every morning you should sit in meditation for about 5 to 10 minutes, directing your mind towards peace. When negative or unwholesome thoughts come, do not try to hold them back. Just let them slide out of your mind as if your mind were coated with a layer of slippery oil, so nothing gets stuck!
    In addition, you can also direct your mind towards gratitude. In life, you have many things to be grateful for, from health to family happiness. You should not take for granted the things you are fortunate to enjoy. They are not there by chance, but because of blessings and causes and conditions that make them happen to you. Because you are too busy with life, you often do not see the happiness that you miss, and the luck that many people desire and long for. If you start learning to look at your life and the world around you with an attitude of gratitude, you will live more appreciatively with what you have, and not take for granted the small happiness around you, such as a delicious meal, a friendly smile from a stranger, moments with family, relatives, friends... All of those things, if added together, will make your day more joyful.
    To achieve happiness according to each person, try changing the way you start a new day. Choose positive, healthy questions or thoughts to start a day of peace, tranquility, and happiness. You will encounter these thoughts or questions that play an important role in your daily spiritual and physical happiness. You will find that you love life more and always have a purpose in life. You will not feel that your life is monotonous and boring because an upward-looking mind always leads you to look at life with a positive attitude.
    Your mind is very sensitive in the morning, so negative contacts should be avoided or reduced. Especially news on TV or the internet. The habit of reading bad news every morning, because most of the news on the media systems is bad news, as soon as you wake up, will have negative effects on your subconscious mind. And because this news arouses your insecurity, it is difficult for you to feel light and happy after reading the news. The Venerables Ones recommend that you sit in meditation before drinking coffee and breakfast in the morning, before going to work for about 5 to 10 minutes or longer, and avoid reading negative news.
    Listening to music is a good habit; however, you should avoid sentimental music, love nonsense, and endless crying. In particular, in the early morning, listen to gentle, peaceful music with uplifting content that lifts your mind. Or you can listen to Dharma tapes, or any type of media that is positive and uplifting. If you try to do this continuously, without interruption, you will notice a positive change in your spirit.
    As a Buddhist, instead of listening to music, you should practice meditation or recite Buddha's name, which is a very good way to start a new day. According to the experience of the Venerables, the biggest challenge is that you have to practice continuously, no matter what obstacles or difficulties you are facing! Most of the time, you are very enthusiastic when you start. You make very elaborate plans, but in the end, you cannot carry them out because they require too much effort. So, if you want to succeed, you have to start with small, but regular, uninterrupted activities.
    Like a person who wanted to lose weight and his goal was 20 kilos, but he had never exercised! According to the plan, he had to do push-ups for at least 30 minutes every day to be successful. On the first day, he did it exactly as prescribed and even added 10 minutes. After the first week, he reduced it to 20 minutes. And the next week, he made up all kinds of excuses not to do it, even for 5 minutes! After less than 2 weeks, he completely gave up on the plan. A few months later, when he looked back to see why he failed, he realized that his goal was too big, making him afraid of not succeeding, so he gave up early. Now, he exercises again but only starts with 5 minutes a day, then gradually increases it. Sure enough, after a long year of practice, he succeeded and lost 20 kilos.
    In short, happiness, according to each person's concept, is not difficult, simple, or very easy to achieve. To do so, the first thing to do is to wake up happy every morning. You should practice right now, and there is no need for any large-scale plan! You just need to spend a few minutes every morning, observe your mind at that time, and try to do what I suggest. If you are still skeptical, you can try it because, after all, you have nothing to lose! But if you succeed, your life will be fresh and peaceful. Ask yourself, how did you start each morning? And do you feel happy?
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