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DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

- HAPPINESS DEPENDS
- ON EACH
PERSON
By Nhat Quan
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---o0o---
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Each person
exists in this life, each has different living conditions;
some have abundant wealth, eat well, and dress well, on the
contrary, there are poor people who lack everything. However,
in terms of spirit, no matter how much money you have, without
a deep insight into real life, it is difficult to find
complete happiness. As for those who have a hard life, but
always have a peaceful and pure soul, they can still inherit
the good and beautiful things in this life. Therefore,
happiness or suffering depends on each person's concept of
life!
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Of course,
living in this world, everyone wants to have a warm, happy
life. Perhaps because of that need, some people use all their
abilities to think about doing business, hoping for a bright
future. Although this way of thinking is correct, there will
be something wrong if you always aim for happiness in the
future and accidentally forget the beautiful and happy things
that you have in the present. For example, grandparents,
parents, siblings, and many other conditions are also positive
factors in creating happiness. However, you do not accept and
inherit, so that one day, when your loved ones are far away
and separated, you regret it too late! It can be said that the
way of living indifferently towards your loved ones and
forgetting what you have is a huge shortcoming and
disadvantage for those who do not live in peace in the
present. Your habit is that when you have not finished this
task, you are worried about other tasks. Even when you sit
down to eat, your mind is still not at peace. Work always
urges you to eat quickly so that you can go do this or solve
that problem. And so, you are busy all your life, until you
die, but everything is still not resolved. Perhaps because you
are too busy and worried, so few people in this life have
complete happiness.
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Everyone has
to work, no matter how little or much. However, for those who
have a thorough understanding of all life's problems, each of
their actions can bring peace without having to wait until
after the work is completed. That is the truth; this requires
you to contemplate yourself to see that truth. Because
happiness is an attitude of life, and depends on each person's
concept, not necessarily changing the situation, or because of
other objective conditions.
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Happiness is
first of all when you have a pure and free soul. Your mind is
not entangled in things that happened in the past, and does
not bother to look forward to or wait for anything in the
future. Because both of these tendencies are unreal, if your
mind is often stuck in the above two ideas, life becomes
restless and miserable. Therefore, the Buddha taught that:
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- Do not seek
the past
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Do not desire
the future.
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The past has
ended,
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The future has
not yet come,
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There is only
the present dharma
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Insight is
right here.
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The above
sutra shows you that happiness is made of the material of the
present. And you just need to fully contact what is present in
the present, then you can enjoy the joy completely, without
having to wait for anything else! On the other hand, human
life is too fragile and temporary; you cannot be sure how long
you will exist in this world. Therefore, promising and
expecting good things in tomorrow is an extremely wrong way of
thinking, wasting and losing a whole life!
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Therefore, in
daily life, you need to know how to look back at yourself to
discover and inherit what you have. To have a deep insight and
understand all the problems of life, you just need to quietly
observe your body, mind, and current situation, objectively
and honestly. No matter where you are, who you are in contact
with, you should observe like that. You record everything that
happens exactly as it is, without needing to use any other
methods. This observation does not let the mind be distracted
or let go of the present, and there is no need to make an
effort to achieve any lofty goal. Because many times that
effort is silently created by the ego, to satisfy the more
subtle ego, not an effective method to help you escape the
suffering of birth and death. Simply:
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- When you
walk, you clearly know that you are walking, when you sit
down, you know that your whole body is sitting down, when you
lift your teacup to drink, you know the delicious taste of the
tea, that's all!
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It's simple
and natural; there's no need to follow any rules or
principles. When your mind is not stuck anywhere, at that very
moment, you are free, peaceful, and liberated. At that time,
you live in this life, no matter how many difficulties and
adversities you encounter, your soul is always calm, peaceful,
and at ease! On the contrary, when you don't know how to
create your happiness, you always tend to have to rely on
someone to feel comforted. That makes you weak, lack
confidence, and find it difficult to stand firm when you no
longer have a familiar spiritual support.
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Therefore, to
have self-happiness, you should not pamper yourself too much,
because then you will have to depend on the presence and
support of others to feel happy. And so you will not be able
to find and create happiness by yourself, but on the contrary,
you must always be attached to friends and lovers to feel
comforted. When you have no one, you easily feel sorry for
yourself, need someone to cling to, and sometimes easily fall
into bad jobs or relationships. Therefore, the basic thing is
that you must know how to make yourself happy without having
to depend too much on others. To do so, you should:
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1- Practice
self-control
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Each of you
has a weakness that, in many situations, these weaknesses can
knock you down or make you collapse, unable to adapt to new
requirements or circumstances. Especially those who are too
dependent on love, when their love is lost, they will
collapse, those who are addicted to shopping, they will be
depressed, sad because they do not have enough money to shop,
those who are too fond of having fun, they easily collapse
when the doctor warns them not to drink alcohol...
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Therefore, to
control these things, you must train yourself to be
self-controlled from a young age. The two factors that create
autonomy are independence and will.
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Independence
helps you always know how to rely on yourself, stand on your
own two feet, and overcome obstacles with your inner strength
without depending on anyone. A strong will helps you overcome
temptation, laziness... in other words, overcome yourself to
find happiness.
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2- Arouse
passion
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Everyone needs
to have passion, have aspirations, have dreams. You will be a
failure if in life you do not have any passion, any love for
any good things, because then you will be disoriented,
undisciplined, have no motivation to strive, no joy, and true
happiness.
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On the
contrary, with passion, you will always have the light of
aspirations and success to guide your way; you know how to
make yourself happy. So, whatever passion you discover, try to
continue to follow the path you like. Of course, these
passions are all good. With passion, you will succeed and have
motivation in life. Trying to force yourself to follow a path
that you do not like is just a burden on the long road of
life.
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3- Know how to
balance life
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A lopsided
life is not good at all for your comprehensive development.
Many people are so busy that they forget to rest, do not
learn, learn and explore the world outside of life. On the
contrary, if you only like to play, do not worry about
working, have no motivation towards future success, you are
too rational, or too emotional... All of the above are
imbalances, causing you to stumble into one of the things
beyond your ability, will be stuck, make mistakes, and solve
everything in an extreme way.
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Therefore, you
must know how to balance emotions, reason, book knowledge with
soft skills, combine work and entertainment, train
intelligence with physical training... Balancing everything in
life will create a solid tripod for your life in the future.
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In the
direction of happiness according to each person's concept,
instead of having to change the world around you, you first
need to change yourself. To do this, there are some habits and
behaviors you need to change. You have to face reality and
understand your difficulties so that you can give up bad
habits and start new, healthier habits.
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However,
making decisions and making changes can be a difficult
journey, but it is not impossible to overcome. Usually, you
often give up bad habits related to health, but there are also
unhealthy habits related to money, career, and life that you
need to change. And this is the time for you to say goodbye to
bad habits so that you can see yourself more mature and more
confident. Below are the seven most common habits that you
should give up so that the path to happiness will be closer to
you:
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1- Don't
hesitate
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Don't hesitate
with your goals. Some of you work hard to succeed, while
others just sit around daydreaming, indecisive at the right
times. So keep calm and set yourself the following principles:
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- Don't leave
until tomorrow what can be done today.
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That is the
immutable principle that you need to have. Nothing stresses
you out more than not finishing a task. The secret to moving
forward is simply to start. Starting at its beginning is
essential to creating motivation to do the work. So instead of
daydreaming about a task or problem, focus on completing the
first step. Remind yourself:
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- I started
this task with a small step and completed it. Gradually, the
small steps will increase, and eventually you will see big and
rapid changes.
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2- Don't shirk
responsibility
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Don't blame
others, but learn to apologize. Stop blaming others for what
you have or don't have, or for what you feel or don't feel.
When you blame others for what you have experienced, you are
shirking responsibility and only prolonging the problem. Don't
give up your rights, but take responsibility for your own
life. Blaming is just another form of self-justification, and
making excuses is the first step to failure. Only you and you
alone are responsible for the choices and decisions in your
life.
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3- Don't be
afraid of change
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Most of the
time, you feel satisfied with what you have while the world
around you is constantly changing. Learning to accept change
is essential to happiness and success. Because only when you
change, you grow and realize that things that you thought
could never change, actually do change.
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And never
forget that, whether the current situation is good or bad, it
will change; that's something you already know for sure. So
accept that change will always happen for a reason. It may not
be easy or obvious at first, but in the end, everything will
be worth it.
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4- Don't be
self-deprecating
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Don't put
yourself down, because nothing makes you more pessimistic than
low self-esteem. Thinking is a great tool when used correctly,
but when used incorrectly, it can be detrimental. Pay
attention to what you think. There is always a monologue going
on inside each of you, but you don't realize the influence of
those words on yourself.
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5- Don't
criticize others
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Criticizing
and hurting others will gradually make you lose your
happiness. When you feel truly accepting of your shortcomings,
you will not feel uncomfortable with the shortcomings of
others. So stop judging other people's shortcomings and look
back at yourself. Keep yourself busy with growing and
improving yourself, so you don't have time to criticize
others.
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6- Face every
problem
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Quickly solve
your problems and fears instead of running away from them. The
best solution is to face every problem, no matter how
complicated it is. Fear often makes you lose opportunities and
makes it difficult to make decisions. Fear often keeps you in
a small corner to make you feel comfortable, but your life is
made up of many small and unique experiences that require you
to expand your life.
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7- Don't be
ungrateful
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Not everything
that happens in life fits together perfectly at first, but
gradually you will realize that they fit together perfectly.
So be thankful for the things that don't fit because they make
room for the right things to come. And be thankful for the
people who walk out of your life because they make room for
others to come in. So every morning when you wake up, be
grateful for your life, whether it's good or bad. Somewhere in
the world, some people are fighting for their lives. Instead
of thinking about what you lack, try thinking about what you
have that others don't. Remember, you get peace of mind, not
by thinking about it or imagining it, but by quieting and
relaxing your restless mind. So every morning when you wake
up, the first thoughts that appear in your mind must be good:
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- Today is a
beautiful day. What should I do to make it worthwhile?
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- Wow, I am so
lucky to have delicious and comfortable food every day like
this!
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- I am blessed
with three lifetimes of blessings, what more can I ask for!
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These are
questions that make your mind excited and go up. The funny
thing is that your questions or thoughts do not need to be
based on the practical foundation of life because your mind
will know how to respond to these requests. Just direct your
mind in a good and happy direction, and peace will come. To be
effective, you must do this continuously without interruption.
When you do this continuously, your mind will create a bridge
with the brain, known as a mental connection between the state
of mind and positive thoughts every morning when you wake up.
As recommended by the Venerables Ones, every morning you
should sit in meditation for about 5 to 10 minutes, directing
your mind towards peace. When negative or unwholesome thoughts
come, do not try to hold them back. Just let them slide out of
your mind as if your mind were coated with a layer of slippery
oil, so nothing gets stuck!
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In addition,
you can also direct your mind towards gratitude. In life, you
have many things to be grateful for, from health to family
happiness. You should not take for granted the things you are
fortunate to enjoy. They are not there by chance, but because
of blessings and causes and conditions that make them happen
to you. Because you are too busy with life, you often do not
see the happiness that you miss, and the luck that many people
desire and long for. If you start learning to look at your
life and the world around you with an attitude of gratitude,
you will live more appreciatively with what you have, and not
take for granted the small happiness around you, such as a
delicious meal, a friendly smile from a stranger, moments with
family, relatives, friends... All of those things, if added
together, will make your day more joyful.
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To achieve
happiness according to each person, try changing the way you
start a new day. Choose positive, healthy questions or
thoughts to start a day of peace, tranquility, and happiness.
You will encounter these thoughts or questions that play an
important role in your daily spiritual and physical happiness.
You will find that you love life more and always have a
purpose in life. You will not feel that your life is
monotonous and boring because an upward-looking mind always
leads you to look at life with a positive attitude.
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Your mind is
very sensitive in the morning, so negative contacts should be
avoided or reduced. Especially news on TV or the internet. The
habit of reading bad news every morning, because most of the
news on the media systems is bad news, as soon as you wake up,
will have negative effects on your subconscious mind. And
because this news arouses your insecurity, it is difficult for
you to feel light and happy after reading the news. The
Venerables Ones recommend that you sit in meditation before
drinking coffee and breakfast in the morning, before going to
work for about 5 to 10 minutes or longer, and avoid reading
negative news.
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Listening to
music is a good habit; however, you should avoid sentimental
music, love nonsense, and endless crying. In particular, in
the early morning, listen to gentle, peaceful music with
uplifting content that lifts your mind. Or you can listen to
Dharma tapes, or any type of media that is positive and
uplifting. If you try to do this continuously, without
interruption, you will notice a positive change in your
spirit.
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As a Buddhist,
instead of listening to music, you should practice meditation
or recite Buddha's name, which is a very good way to start a
new day. According to the experience of the Venerables, the
biggest challenge is that you have to practice continuously,
no matter what obstacles or difficulties you are facing! Most
of the time, you are very enthusiastic when you start. You
make very elaborate plans, but in the end, you cannot carry
them out because they require too much effort. So, if you want
to succeed, you have to start with small, but regular,
uninterrupted activities.
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Like a person
who wanted to lose weight and his goal was 20 kilos, but he
had never exercised! According to the plan, he had to do
push-ups for at least 30 minutes every day to be successful.
On the first day, he did it exactly as prescribed and even
added 10 minutes. After the first week, he reduced it to 20
minutes. And the next week, he made up all kinds of excuses
not to do it, even for 5 minutes! After less than 2 weeks, he
completely gave up on the plan. A few months later, when he
looked back to see why he failed, he realized that his goal
was too big, making him afraid of not succeeding, so he gave
up early. Now, he exercises again but only starts with 5
minutes a day, then gradually increases it. Sure enough, after
a long year of practice, he succeeded and lost 20 kilos.
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In short,
happiness, according to each person's concept, is not
difficult, simple, or very easy to achieve. To do so, the
first thing to do is to wake up happy every morning. You
should practice right now, and there is no need for any
large-scale plan! You just need to spend a few minutes every
morning, observe your mind at that time, and try to do what I
suggest. If you are still skeptical, you can try it because,
after all, you have nothing to lose! But if you succeed, your
life will be fresh and peaceful. Ask yourself, how did you
start each morning? And do you feel happy?
---o0o---
If you have any recommendations,
please e-mail to:
chuaduocsu@duocsu.org
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