DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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Looking at people to strengthen oneself, also known as the Art of Mirroring

There are four types of people:

1- The lovable type

This type of person, from their words to their actions, shows very special traits. Anyone who sees or hears them, whether they meet them for the first time or listen to them for the first time, will have very friendly feelings and immediately have a liking for that person.

2- The type of person who is lovable at first, but after a while, cannot love them:

This type of person, from their words to their actions, shows very special traits. Anyone who sees or hears them, whether they meet them for the first time or listen to them for the first time, will have very friendly feelings and immediately have a liking for that person. But after living and being close to them for a while, this person shows strange temperaments, speaks harshly, and friends increasingly distance themselves from them…

3- This type of person is very hateful:

This type of person, from their words to their actions, shows very strange traits. Anyone who sees or hears about someone, whether it is the first time they meet them or the first time they hear about them, will have very unpleasant feelings and will not immediately have a good impression of them.

4- This type of person is very hateful when first met, but becomes lovable after a while.

This type of person's words and actions all show very strange traits. Anyone who sees or hears about someone, whether it is the first time they meet them or the first time they hear about them, will have very unpleasant feelings and will not immediately have a good impression of them. But after living together for a while, showing them the mistakes they realize and changing their temperament, that person becomes more and more willing to listen and correct their bad habits, and becomes very lovable, so friends will love them more and more.

Which of the four types of people are you?

These four types of people have existed at all times, even during the time of the Buddha, they were full of them. Some people are lovable and have many friends, and some people are unlovable and have no friends; and these images are expressed in the Mirror Sutra. When you look in the mirror, what is your face like, what is your body like... In general, what kind of friend you are is clearly shown in the mirror. If you are beautiful and charming, the image in the mirror is also beautiful and charming, but if you are ugly, the reflection in the mirror is also similar; it cannot be any different. And you have no reason to deny why I am beautiful, but the mirror is ugly, or my body is big, but thanks to the mirror, I am more beautiful. Anyone who has ever looked in the mirror while putting on makeup will see that.

This is a Sutra passage from the Theravada system. according to this Sutra passage, it tells you that there are two types of people:

- One is the type of person who is unlovable; all friends and fellow practitioners avoid them

- Two is the type of person who is lovable, all friends like to be close to.

Please listen carefully, moreover, you are a Buddhist, everyone present in the monastery has the tendency to want to improve themselves to become a holy person. Therefore, you should be serious, consider yourself a real monk or nun, then this information will be meaningful. According to the Middle Length Discourses, it tells us why friends stay away, and why fellow practitioners are close

1- Unpleasant People.

Talking about unpleasant people, according to the Sutra, it is described like this:

- At that time, Venerable Maha Maudgalyayana was residing among the Bhagga tribe, in the Deer Park. That day, Venerable Maha Maudgalyayana called the monks:

- Hey fellow practitioners.

The monks replied:

- We are here, big brother. The Venerable Maha Maudgalyayana said:

Suppose there is a mendicant who requests other mendicants, saying: Please, fellow monks, talk to me, I hope that my fellow monks will be sympathetic and talk to me.

If that mendicant is difficult for others to talk to,

- If he is someone who has qualities that make it impossible for others to talk to him,

- If he is impatient, lacking in openness, unable to accept criticism, advice and teachings from fellow monks, then this person cannot be talked to, cannot be taught, cannot be trusted.

The question is, why is this person considered unpleasant? For what reason is the Venerable Maudgalyayana considered this kind of person to be unpleasant? What qualities make a mendicant perceived as someone difficult for others to talk to?

The question must have an answer:

- If a person is caught up in evil desires, is drawn into evil desires…, then that is one reason why fellow practitioners find it difficult to talk to him.

And here are other reasons why fellow practitioners do not talk to such people:

- He only knows how to praise himself and criticize others;

- He is easily angered and controlled by anger, and because of anger, he harbors resentment;

- He becomes irritable because of resentment;

- He speaks irritating words because of his resentment.

- He condemns the fellow practitioner who points out his mistakes.

- He belittles the fellow practitioner who points out his mistakes;

- He criticizes the person who points out his mistakes;

- He questions the person who points out his mistakes;

- He avoids, by asking the person who pointed out his mistake other questions, answering off-topic, revealing his frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction,

- He does not explain his actions properly to the person who asked him about his mistake.

- He is rude and malicious;

- He is jealous and greedy;

- He is scheming and deceitful;

- He is stubborn and arrogant

- He seems worldly, entangled in the world, does not know how to let go...

These are bad habits that isolate oneself from others, causing others to judge them as a troublemaker; fellow practitioners cannot talk to such people.

2- The type of person who is easy to approach

In contrast to the type of person who is unpleasant, there is the type of person who is easy to please. In the Sutta, it is stated that if a bhikkhu requests other bhikkhus:

- Please, fellow monks, talk to me. I hope that my fellow monks will be kind to me and talk to me.

If this bhikkhu is someone easy for others to talk to:

- He can be easily talked to,

- He has good qualities that make it easy for others to talk to him,

- He is patient, open-minded, able to accept criticism, advice and teachings from fellow monks, then his fellow monks will consider that they can talk to him, can teach him, can put their trust in him.

Here the question is also raised why this person is considered approachable, for what reason is this type of person considered by Venerable Maudgalyayana to be a good person, what qualities make a mendicant perceived as someone who is easy to approach and easy to talk to?

The question must have an answer:

- This person is not entangled in evil desires, is not drawn by evil desires, that is a virtue that makes it easy for fellow practitioners to approach him and talk to him.

And here are other virtues that make it easy for fellow practitioners to approach him and talk to him:

- He does not praise himself and criticize others;

- He does not get angry easily and is not controlled by anger, and because he is not angry, he does not harbor resentment;

- He is not resentful, so he is not irritable;

- He is not resentful, so he does not speak words of an irritable nature;

- He does not condemn the fellow practitioner who points out his fault;

- He does not disparage the fellow practitioner who points out his fault;

- He does not criticize the one who points out his fault in return;

- He does not question the one who points out his fault in return;

- He does not evade by asking the one who points out his fault other questions, does not answer off-topic, and does not reveal his irritation, anger, and discontent.

- He satisfactorily explains his actions to the one who asks him about his fault;

- He is not rude and malicious, nor is he jealous and greedy;

- He is not scheming and deceitful;

- He is not stubborn and conceited;

- He is not worldly, not entangled in the world, and can let go...

These are the qualities that make a person perceived as someone whom others can easily approach and talk to.

Through this passage, Buddhists clearly see two extremes, one is being kind and listening to learn, not seeking personal gain, wholeheartedly cultivating morality. The other is being grumpy, mean, saying that you are studying but in reality it is only for personal gain, or for fame and profit...

In the tendency to look at others to improve yourself, that is, the principle of looking in the mirror, you must be sincere, and you need to compare yourself with others. Consider the person opposite you, or your partner, as a mirror, and think as follows:

- That person has evil desires and is being dragged by evil desires, so I find that person unpleasant, and I do not like that person.

Likewise:

- If you have evil desires and are dragged by evil desires, then others will find you unpleasant, and they will not like you. When you realize this, you need to develop the following mindset:

- I decide not to indulge in evil desires, and not to be dragged by evil desires.

This is also true and should be practiced in other situations, such as praising yourself and criticizing others, getting angry, and being controlled by anger etc.

And you should always be vigilant as follows:

- At this moment, am I embracing evil desires, and am I being dragged by evil desires?

And if, while being vigilant and thinking, you see that:

- At this moment, you are embracing evil desires, and you are being dragged by evil desires; then you must be diligent in eliminating that unwholesome mental formation.

And if, while thinking, you see that:

- At this moment, I am not embracing evil desires, and I am not being dragged by evil desires, then I can live with a joyful mind, and know that I need to practice diligently to cultivate more good mental formations like that. This is also true and should be practiced in other cases, such as not praising yourself or criticizing others, not getting angry, and thus not being controlled by anger, etc.

If while contemplating mindfully, you see that in your mind the unwholesome mental formations have not been eliminated, then you must make an effort to make an effort to eliminate them. But if, while contemplating mindfully, you see that in your mind the unwholesome mental formations have been eliminated, then you should live with a joyful mind. And you need to practice diligently to cultivate more such good mental formations.

In short, the art of looking at others to improve oneself is similar to a young man or a young woman who is still young and likes to wear makeup, often likes to look at her face in a very clear and bright mirror. If he or she sees a stain on her face, she or he will wash it away. If he/she does not see any dirt on his/her face, he/she will be satisfied and will say to himself:

- Very good, my face is very clean.

Similarly, while practicing the Dharma, while contemplating, you see that unwholesome mental formations have not been eliminated, you must sincerely strive to eliminate them. But if, while contemplating, you see that unwholesome mental formations have been eliminated, you will say to yourself:

- Very good,

You always live in the mind as a mendicant, then you will live in a joyful mind, and know that you need to practice diligently to nourish more good mental formations like that.

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