DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

---o0o---

Anger is not a wise response. A wise person lives happily and a happy person does not get angry. Anger cannot be called reasonable at first.

In California, I heard a story about a summer afternoon on the 405 Freeway. Because there were so many cars, although there were 10 lines on each side of the road, the cars moved very slowly, sometimes stopping for 5-10 minutes. At that time, a young man, out of impatience, shot and killed many drivers near him. The incident became serious and when the police arrived, they learned that he was very angry because he was late for his appointment with his girlfriend, and because the surrounding cars had made him late, he was so angry that he used a gun.

This young man was rightfully angry because he was late for his appointment, but in fact, the people around him were just like him, they also did not want to be stuck in traffic, they needed to go home, and no one wanted to sit in the car on the street all the time. However, they controlled themselves, while the other young man, due to anger, became infatuated and committed murder, so he had to suffer in prison for the rest of his life. Meanwhile, the others were aware, so after resolving the accident, the traffic flow became easier and they returned home to live happily under the warmth of their family.

Anyone who travels on the road knows that traffic accidents are often unpredictable, but if you know how to be patient, everything will go smoothly. Remember not to be impatient.

One day, when I was buying materials to build the main hall of Ten Thousand Buddhas, I stopped at a red light, and I heard the driver next to me curse:

- This damn red light, don't you know I have an urgent appointment and am late? And he cursed...

He resented the traffic light as if it had the power to decide. He thought the light wanted to make things difficult for him. The traffic light could stop his car from running, but it was just a traffic light. You couldn't do anything to it, but if you wanted to run, you could run. If you were lucky and didn't get a police ticket, that was fine, but if you got a ticket from the police, you were ready to pay. That was all

When I saw the guy getting upset, I imagined him coming home late and being yelled at by his wife:

- You, you bastard husband! You knew we had an important appointment. You knew we were late. But you went to take care of someone else before me.

She resented him as if he had the power to decide. She thought her husband wanted to make things difficult for her. So the argument broke out in the family.

This is just one of the small aspects of family discord. If you do not know how to restrain or forgive, anger begins to escalate, and then anger always begins with a trial by a court created in the mind of the angry person. If you are the angry person, you will sit in the prosecutor's chair, and the object of anger will sit in the defendant's chair; the judge is your conscience. You know the defendant is guilty, but you still try to prove that crime to the judge with a long indictment so that the trial seems fair and your mind is at peace. You discuss all kinds of crimes, such as:

- The defendant's ambitions,

- The defendant's duplicity and cruelty.

Not only that, but you also go back in time to dig up other crimes of the defendant to convince the judge that the defendant does not deserve leniency.

In real life, the defendant has a defense lawyer, but in the court of anger, he does not, or rather, the defendant's lawyer is not allowed to speak. You are the angry person and also the prosecutor, not wanting to hear any defense or even a sincere apology or a heartfelt plea. You arbitrarily construct a convincing verdict according to your own will. And the hammer of your conscience judge just has to strike down:

- Guilty!

Now you have every reason to be angry.

Before, when I was angry with someone, I often set up a court like that. How unfair! Knowing this, later on, whenever I got angry, I stopped to let the defendant's lawyer defend me. I thought about the reasonable arguments and all possible explanations of the lawyer. I also gave a very special importance to forgiveness. My conscience no longer acted as the judge. Without a sinner, anger would have no reason to arise. And I was no longer angry with anyone.

Normally, you are often angry. This is a strange thing and also a matter worth mentioning. Many people like or crave anger. Everyone knows that what is wanted and craved is rarely let go. However, anger always causes more harm than good. That is why the Venerable Ones often advise using loving speech to live happily. In the Samyutta Nikaya, there is a story:

- In ancient times, in a certain kingdom, a Yaksha broke into the royal palace when the king was away. The Yaksha had a strange appearance, a strong stench, and spoke disgustingly. The officials, soldiers, and servants were very afraid. It even walked around the palace. Once it even climbed up to the king's throne. Angry, the royal guards shouted:

- Impolite, get down immediately. If not, these swords and spears will cut off your head.

Following that threat, the Yaksha grew taller, smellier, and more confused. So the swords were drawn, and the threats became more fierce. And the yaksha became even more disgusting.

When the king returned to the palace, he saw on the throne a giant yaksha, whose foul smell made maggots run away and whose speech made even the buffalo-headed and horse-faced people wary. The king was a wise emperor (that's why he was honored as an emperor): he knew how to deal with it. He said enthusiastically:

- Welcome to the palace. Now, prepare a banquet...

The emperor's gentle words made the yaksha shrink, and become less foul and less disgusting. Seeing the immediate effect, the officials, soldiers, and maids competed to use kind words to serve the yaksha. Their friendly and polite gestures made the yaksha smaller and smaller until it was no longer visible.

Through the above story, many people call such monsters yakshas who swallow anger. So sometimes you can turn into a yaksha who swallows anger. Angry with them, they can become giant yakshas, ​​extremely smelly and disgusting like no other. Having seen the mistakes that make them even uglier, you know how to behave well.

Suffering and anger is another type of yaksha. So every time you are angry, you start thinking:

- Suffering, get out of me. I am not your shelter.

Or:

- My heart is open, so, no matter how much suffering makes me, it doesn't matter.

Another harm of anger is that it kills relationships, and separates friends, you can end a long-standing friendship and you need to pay attention to that just because of one mistake, you become angry. All the good things you have shared are worthless. You only pay attention to one mistake and then destroy everything. However, you need to pay attention, only those who want to be lonely nurture anger. You are foolish to be angry, because when angry, no matter how deep the affection is, no matter how close it is, it will eventually turn into hatred, for that reason anger needs to be controlled.

Indeed, in the years 1975 to 1985, one of the stories of the sea crossing organized by Quan and Hoang was told. When reaching international waters, the boat's engine broke down. The two brothers went down to the engine room to find a way to fix it, while many people were worried. The engine room was both hot and cramped. On top of that, the engine was very stubborn, not wanting to be repaired; the big screws could not be tightened, the small screws fell through the gap between the fingers and fell into the compartment, and the oil kept leaking. Disappointment turned into frustration, at first with the engine, then between the two brothers. The frustration gradually turned into anger and resentment. Quan was annoyed, threw away the pliers, and shouted:

- This engine is stubborn! That's enough!

Hoang left the engine room, changed clothes, and packed his clothes into a bag. Then he climbed up to the deck, dressed neatly, carrying his bag, his face sullen. While everyone was bewildered, he sat there calmly looking around, seeing the vast sky and water far away from the horizon. There was no way forward. He was a fool! He quickly changed clothes and went back down to the engine room to help his friend. There was nothing else he could do. There was no way to go!

Therefore, when there is no other way to go, you should face the difficulty rather than run away. Every problem can have a solution that you cannot realize if you run in the opposite direction. In the story above, the engine was fixed, you were still you, and the journey to freedom to the peaceful shore was wonderful.

Nowadays, people live together on this planet and are getting closer and closer. So you should find solutions to problems rather than conflicts because there is no other place to migrate to. According to the experience of the Masters. In 1975, the governments of Cambodia, South Vietnam and Laos collapsed one after another. According to the prevailing Domino Theory, people predicted that Thailand would have the same fate. However the Thai government did not collapse, a surprise to Western governments.

The thing is, when seeing the collapse of many friendly countries, many Thai generals and politicians went to the monastery to meet Ajahn Chah, a famous Buddhist elder known to many people. He said:

- The Thai government is not afraid of outside attacks but is worried about sabotage elements from within. Because many students and university students went to the forests in the Northeast of Thailand to join the Thai separatist group that was being trained and equipped by several neighboring countries. Many villages in the area volunteered to provide them with rice and money. The danger is real and is threatening the Northeast of Thailand.

It is not known whether The most venerable Ajahn Chah helped the Thai government to solve the problem or not, but the Thai government and army applied the following three important tactics and strategies:

1- Self-restraint: The army did not attack enemy strongholds whose locations they knew very well. They advised monks not to go to mountains where there were enemy troops because many monks meditating in the forest were captured, tortured, and killed by the separatists.

2- Forgiveness: During this dangerous time, the Thai government had a lenient policy for the separatists if they laid down their arms and gave up their intentions. People were allowed to return to their villages to live, and students and university students to their previous schools. They could be monitored but not punished. Even the separatists ambushed and killed an entire Jeep full of soldiers. All the young men in the village, most of whom were sympathizers of the separatists, were arrested, threatened, and harassed, but later, all were released.

3- Solving the root cause: During those years, the local government took care of building roads and paving them so that people could go to the market to buy and sell easily. The King supervised and sponsored many irrigation projects to help the people of the Northeast grow two crops a year to earn more income. Electricity was brought to the most remote areas and schools and hospitals were built for all classes of people. Northeast Thailand became prosperous and the population was prosperous. When applying those three methods, some people said:

- The Thai army did not need to shoot the rebels because they were Thai friends.

Some people saw the rebels coming down the mountain to find food, but just showing them a wristwatch or listening to music on the radio made them leave the forest immediately.

Normally, rebellions or anger always cost lives, happiness, or good feelings, but the Thai government restrained itself to dispel this hatred. The lenient policy gave them a safe and honorable way out. The rural development program helped people escape poverty. So people no longer had a reason to support the separatists. And the opponents began to doubt what they were doing. Living in the mountains and forests, they knew how hard it was. So one by one, they put down their guns and returned to their families, villages, and schools. By the early 1980s, there were not many separatists left; the leaders of that group had joined the government. And the separatist leaders were not punished or exiled. Moreover, they were elected to many important positions in the government, based on their leadership skills, their ability to work hard, and their concern for the nation and people.

In the spirit of wisdom to live happily, when someone harms you, you do not need to retaliate. If you are a Buddhist, you know that the evildoer cannot avoid bad karma. But if you are a follower of modern psychotherapy, you are sure that the person will spend a lot of money and many years seeking psychiatric treatment because of guilt. You do not need to teach them a lesson. So when you are clear-minded and see, you do not need to be a judge. By letting go and forgiving, you still fulfill your responsibility as an honest person as usual.

When I was still at the International Buddhist Academy, I was in charge of teaching a Dharma class, the monks were taught not to argue or fight with each other, but right after the class, two monks argued with each other, they were furious and wanted to fight. While the two monks were arguing, I reminded them:

- What did you two monks just learn?

At that moment, one of the two monks suddenly knelt at the other monk's feet raised his head, and said:

- I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

The gesture and words of this monk came from the bottom of his heart, naturally and honestly, causing the other monk to be unable to hold back his tears after a moment of being stunned.

After that, the two monks walked back to their rooms together in a friendly manner. That's how a monk should be.

When it comes to practicing letting go of anger, I often hear that forgiveness is easier to practice in the temple than in real life. In real life, forgiveness is often taken advantage of. People tend to deceive you. I agree. Forgiveness out of weakness cannot bring good results. As I once said about the Thai government's policy of forgiving the rebels simply through the policy of unconditional clemency when they find the root of the problem:

- Poverty to solve satisfactorily.

Thanks to that, the clemency policy is successful. You can call that form of active forgiveness. Active means to strengthen the advantages so that they form a perfect harmony. Forgiveness means to let go of the bad things of the problem, leave them behind, and move forward. For example, watering the flowers in the garden:

- If you only water the weeds, you cause trouble,

- If you water the weeds and the flowers, you do simple forgiveness,

- If you only water the flowers, you apply active forgiveness.

In short, it is also a way of behaving, but if you are wise, you are the happiest person in the world. But if you know how to apply the teachings of the monks in your life, it will not be difficult to change your life. Especially the way of active forgiveness, in this direction, active forgiveness is necessary. Every time someone looks for trouble and scolds you, forgive and forget everything. You just need to do that without anyone knowing. And every time you hear someone say or do something gentle, no matter how small, you respond with words or gestures to show the other person that you appreciate what they do for you, and do not miss any opportunity.

When you do that, you will see unimaginable results. Because everyone is human, everyone is willing to be gentle, and from there will arise love for each other. Instead of the chair that was previously used to throw other people, now it is used to meditate. Instead of the mouth that was previously used to scold, now it is used to speak words of love and happiness. Instead of being a Yaksha, now it is a loving husband or wife who protects the family. That is the wise way to seek noble happiness. And the active forgiveness that those on the path of initiation can give. However, you also see the benefits of forgiving with a good heart.

---o0o---