DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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Everyone in the world likes to win. When you win, you become arrogant, and proud, and act like a strong and incomparable hero. When you encounter misfortune and have to lose, you become discouraged and weak like a rotten noodle, without any vitality. If you are powerful and heroic, why don't you dare to be a hero now, and don't have a bit of heroic spirit? Then you are not truly a hero. This type of hero is a straw hero, who only flares up temporarily and then goes out. You can only live in favorable and successful circumstances, but you cannot live when your work is not successful, or your reputation is not fulfilled. But life is not always a velvet carpet to welcome everyone. Surely you have often heard the saying:

- Only when the water is dry do you know the catfish.

This sentence means that when the water is full, the lake becomes clear and cool. All the fish compete to eat, are arrogant, heroic, and swim freely. But when the drought comes, the lake water dries up, here and there are still a few puddles of water. At this time, all the other fish species die, the only ones left are catfish. Catfish live quietly in the mud, so even though the water is dry, this type of fish can continue to live in the mud. In this world, many people only think about themselves and do not care about others, so they always compete, are arrogant, and triumphant. As a result, those people can only live in favorable circumstances, when they win. When facing adversity, those people are sad and miserable, have no vitality, and do not want to live anymore. Besides those people who only care about themselves, their brothers, and their families, some live very simply and gently. They know how to care about others, know how to give in to others, and silently nurture their will to strive according to the ideal they have chosen. When things are favorable, they also win normally like everyone else. When facing adversity, they are more heroic than ever. Such people are the ones who make a career in both success and failure. You usually only become successful when you have the right time, but few people can do it when the right time is no longer there or does not exist. A truly heroic person, whether there is a right time or not, their heroic spirit remains unchanged. That is a truly brave person. But when he is successful, he is complacent, overpowering everyone, when he is disobedient, he is bored and has no spirit. That is the type of person you should not follow.

This is a story between a father and daughter in a family. One day, the daughter complained to her father, about why is her life so miserable. One misfortune just passed and another one came quickly, and she did not know how to live. There were times when she was so tired of struggling with life. She wanted to reject this difficult life. Her father was a very good chef. Once, hearing his daughter's complaint, he took her to the kitchen, he put three pots of water on the stove and turned on the heat. When the three pots of water boiled, he put carrots, eggs, and coffee beans in each pot and let them continue to boil, silently without saying a word. The daughter was anxious, not knowing what her father was going to do. She was filled with sadness while seeing her father calmly and gently cooking.

Half an hour later, the father turned off the stove and scooped carrots, eggs, and coffee beans into different bowls. He told his daughter to try them first:

Carrots. After tasting, the daughter replied:

- They are very soft, father!

Then he told her to peel the eggs and try the coffee. The daughter frowned because the coffee was strong and bitter, and asked her father:

- What does this mean, father?

The father slowly replied:

- These three foods all encountered the same adversity, which was boiling water at 100 degrees Celsius. However, each reacted very differently. Carrots are hard and look solid when they are not processed, but after boiling they become very soft. Eggs are very fragile when they are not boiled, with only a thin outer shell protecting the liquid inside. After going through boiling water, the liquid inside becomes thicker and firmer. Coffee beans are strange, after boiling, their water becomes very rich.

After explaining to his daughter, the father turned to ask the girl:

- What about you? What kind of person will you be when you encounter adversity? Will you be like a carrot, which looks very strong on the outside, but with just a little pain and misfortune, you will become weak and lose all willpower?

Will you be an egg, which starts with a fragile heart and a fickle spirit? But after a break, it will become more mature and strong.

Or:

- A cup of coffee, the hotter the water, the stronger its flavor.  

Life is not lacking in people who find life more interesting and meaningful when they overcome adversity and know how to stand up after falling. As a human being, you also fear death, want to be rich rather than poor, and want to be happy, not sad. But when someone wants to commit suicide, you know they are facing difficulties beyond their tolerance. So when facing unexpected events, the girl's mind is tense and there is no room to listen to profound philosophy. If the father hears his daughter say that and immediately calls her back to pour out a bunch of philosophy without understanding her feelings at that time, he will unintentionally make her mind more tense and serious. But luckily for this girl, she has a very special father. When he heard his daughter speak, he did not care, pretended not to hear anything, and just quietly called her into the kitchen to do a very normal job with a gentle, close demeanor. It was that demeanor that created space for the daughter to wait, that time was enough to soothe the daughter's soul. Before that gentle demeanor and quiet space, the girl became quiet, the tension suddenly fell away. Right then, the life and vitality began to rekindle, the father only needed to skillfully stimulate, and the daughter immediately woke up, excitedly rising above those difficulties.

So if there are times in your daily life, when you are a hero in the moments of success, now failure must also be an egg or a coffee bean, not a carrot, it is too weak. You have to let go of everything, live well, and rise. Knowing how to be content and rise with what is within your reach, life will become lively, optimistic, and extremely loving. Therefore, you should not kill your life or kill a part of your life. And especially the life of a person who mostly has to work eight hours a day and night. When you have to go to work to earn a living, you often have the mindset of making a living, struggling with life. Going to work to earn money but you see work as a torture that weighs heavily on your shoulders, there is nothing happy about it. Going to work in the morning and waiting for the time to end so you can go home, to go shopping... Seeing work as something you have to do reluctantly and not enjoy, waiting for the time to end is like killing eight hours. You cannot live in one-third of the time of that day. By the end of your life, you have lost one-third of your life, only two-thirds of your life, which is a waste of life.

Remember, whether you are impatient or not, you must finish your work time before you can go home. Whether you wait for the time to end or not, the clock will still pass evenly and it will not run faster as you wish. Sometimes, because of waiting, you feel that time passes more slowly and longer. Instead of waiting for the end of the day, try to find joy right where you are working.

To become a worker, just need to finish the work, not need to finish the day to go home, then the day to get paid, you should try to put yourself in the role of a doctor. As a doctor, you just need to see that, as a human being, everyone will get sick at some point. If you are lucky enough to not be sick, have the ability, and have the conditions to treat the sick, then you are happier than if you have to lie down sick. Knowing that sick people are always in pain, tired, miserable. If you are sick, you will also have to endure the same pain as everyone else... If you put yourself in the other person's shoes to sympathize, you will not only cure their illness but also cure their psychological illness, making them feel secure, and not feel sick, then the illness will quickly heal. If you can do that, you have worked with an open, gentle, and very happy spirit. Similarly, if you know how to find joy in any job, you will find joy right where you are living and working. You are happy, everyone is happy, and life becomes meaningful and enjoyable! So anytime, anywhere, doing any job, you will be happy, always happy. So one day you will be happy, you will live fully. Like that, throughout your life, you have lived a meaningful and complete life, then you will never kill time in your life.

If you find work torture, eager to go home to escape from the company, then it is easy to get frustrated during your time there. Whenever someone touches you, you will immediately flare up. If you are angrier than others, they will resent you, and it will be difficult for you to be at peace. If you work but cannot be better than others, you will be frustrated and depressed. Living without peace, when you are sad, frustrated, or angry, that moment is burned and kills your life, that is living without living fully, you are killing yourself miserably. If you know how to find joy right in your work, your heart will be full of joy, you will like to care and help others be friendly, open, cheerful, and everyone will love you. A moment of joy is a moment of life. If you can apply this way of living, you will live your whole life to the fullest.

To make life meaningful, you should not be a boiled carrot or potato, but a boiled egg, as well as a pinch of coffee after being boiled, then you need to know how to learn and how to live. Remember that no matter how sweet longan is, you can only eat its flesh and throw away the skin and seeds. Life is colorful, knowledge is vast, philosophy is profound and extensive, and human thoughts are also extremely complex. Therefore, when looking at a character or a problem, you should calm down, not be hasty and impatient so that you are not distracted and assimilated by it. Then you can make the right decision, what to learn, and draw experience from things that are not yet complete. Only then will you have enough wisdom to perceive a problem without making mistakes, because:

- A singer has a good voice but does not necessarily have a perfect understanding of life philosophy.

- A talented artist, but not a good psychologist to advise his whole life.

- A music teacher is only good at assessing voice quality, sound, and musical potential, but will not necessarily have precise and concise sentences like a writer...

No one can do everything alone, each person is only good at one area of expertise. In front of someone who suits your interests, you admire them and they become your idol. But that is only suitable for your interests, they cannot be the truth representing everything. You know how to choose to learn the good things, not learn from the bad things, and not imitate 100% completely. It is not that when you see someone with status, fame, and suits your interests, you admire them, then you have to dress the same way. How they think, you imitate their thoughts and concepts the same. That is the person who does not know how to eat longan, hears that longan is delicious, and then swallows both the seeds and the skin. You often chase after it but rarely wake up to assess a problem. You follow whatever you see, believe whatever people say, and lose your clear perception of yourself. This leads to a wrong and depraved lifestyle, suffering the pitiful consequences.

Therefore, if you want your future self to be coffee beans or boiled eggs, you must practice sweeping the house, and when you are a little older, practice helping with housework and cooking. When you are more mature, you should practice going to the market to prepare meals for the family.

No one is as honest as an honest worker. The main product you make with your own hands, your soul is not dark, so your spirit is very steadfast and strong. Honest labor will make you humane, bringing people closer together. Practicing like this for a long time, your spirit becomes strong and steady, so you will be independent, confident, and not dependent on anything, so you will always be strong and successful. At the same time, by practicing labor, the spirit of sacrifice, and thinking for others, your kindness will be formed, so when you go out into society, you will be very diligent, know how to care for others, and always do good deeds within your reach.

When you have trained yourself to care for others, when you enter someone else's house and see the host making tea, you immediately help him make it. When you see someone carrying heavy things, you help them. When you see someone weak on the street, you give them a good seat and help them up. Anyone who sees such a person will have sympathy. When you have trained yourself like this, the whole society will support you, not just your parents. When you grow up, train yourself to be adaptable in all situations. Whether the situation is favorable or unfavorable, contrary to your will or pleasing, you will feel normal.

When you see someone doing something contrary to your will, you will also feel normal, your mind will not feel uncomfortable at all. Just right at that uncomfortable place, you practice and cultivate to be calm, then later you will have enough strength and success. Like a durian with many thorns, every day you peel off a little bit, and after a long time, it will become smooth and round. No matter how rampant the adversity is, you should not rush to judge but should first be calm and quiet in your heart, just remember to find the serenity above it, and your mind will be normal and peaceful. Just like that, a little bit each day, practice for a long time and you will get used to it, your mind will become proficient, not afraid of any situation, just normal, peaceful, success will come from there.

Living in a modern society, if you have to work in an environment that lives with emotions, less modern, you will also adapt, and work normally. Living in a backward environment, having the fate to work in a modern and civilized place, because of your intelligence and ability, you will also be able to adapt and achieve normally. As long as you are normal, and do not have an uncomfortable mind, combined with intelligence and ability, you will be able to keep up with any environment, and easily adapt, your life will be successful from there. You often hear:

- Wherever you go, you can adapt to all the circumstances there, without the slightest pleasure or annoyance, that is the will of a gentleman.

- Entering the door of Zen, you have an unchanging inner self, skillful in flexible means, adapting to circumstances, and not being hindered by any method, that is the mind of a gentleman.

To be like that, you must always skillfully apply your practice in all circumstances. If there is something that makes your heart still feel uncomfortable, not normal, and not able to overcome, then you are not a worthy person in this life. You must make an effort to practice more to be normal, then you will have the mind of a gentleman. The will of a gentleman is worthy of being a person living in this world. In every thought, every situation, every incident, every person, you should train your mind to be normal. If you do so, when you go out into business, you will easily adapt to all favorable and unfavorable conditions, success and failure. You will have enough ability to stay calm anytime, anywhere, your mind will be clear, and every decision will be accurate and not wrong, leading to success and stability in life.

In short, to train yourself with the necessary style to prepare for both winning and losing, you must cultivate self-control and know how to adapt to life. However in normal life, when parents tell their children to listen to what they say, that is a good child. But if parents do not know how to teach a child to be independent and self-reliant, always giving orders to the child to obey the arrangements of the parents, after a long time like that, the child will get used to listening. Relying on parents, and being passive, leads to a lack of self-confidence, so they are very weak and afraid when stepping out into society. If you live in an environment where your parents do not care and guide you carefully, you should not be sad but remember:

- Your parents give birth to you, but your society and friends teach you.

So you have to look up to successful people and follow their example, and you should remember, that a baby bird is trained to fly very carefully by its parents, so when it leaves the nest to earn its living, it is very steady. A tiger cub or a puppy is trained by its parents in very basic moves, so when it leaves the flock to live on its own, it is majestic and incomparably strong. Besides the careful guidance of their parents, many people do not receive guidance from their parents, but their friends and society have molded them and they have also become useful people. This means that it depends on you:

- Do you want to be a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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