DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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In life, many people practice well but few achieve good results, that is because in their hearts they still contain the bad things of others, and still think others are bad. Therefore, they have not enjoyed good things. To know how to practice well and get good results, you must remember:

- Looking for the good points of others is accumulating good karma, also known as collecting spiritual energy for yourself.

- Seeing the sins and bad points of others and holding them in your heart is collecting bad karma, also known as collecting unrighteous things for yourself.

If it is good karma, it will bring positive light, make your heart gentle, nourish your mind, and change your nature to be good. Meanwhile, bad karma accumulates negative energy, making your heart gloomy, and can harm your body. In life, everyone has good points, even those who seem evil to you also have good points. If you cannot find good points in people, look at their negative side to find them. Therefore, always finding the good points of others is a heartwarming factor, and wherever you go, you sow good karma, freeing you and others from sadness and suffering.

When your mind contains good thoughts about others, you accumulate good karma. Always remember the bad things of others, you are accumulating bad karma. You should not be mistaken about this. Foolish people often like to act recklessly, thinking they are right, so they never see the good points of others, so there is always resentment in their hearts: the more resentment, the more suffering. The venerable ones always teach you to be humble, just afraid that you are not right, they always teach you to see the good points of others to benefit. The more benefits, the more talent. When you know how to find the good points of others, you will have the inner ability to receive all living beings, breaking the tangled bonds of karma in the cycle of birth and death. Whenever your mind thinks of a good thing, your heart will be filled with more positivity. When you can accept all the positive light of everyone, that is, see the good and beautiful things of everyone, then you can gather and accumulate good karma. However, when practicing to find good things, you must have determination, because you can not see the good and beautiful things of others in one or two days which requires you to have time and patience for a long time. Even if there are things that you cannot be patient about, you must be patient until the end. Especially when you find the good things about evil people, the hatred and resentment towards them will naturally disappear, thus the chain of resentment will be resolved by itself. When I was still in Vietnam, in front of the temple, there was a woman who often cursed and treated her neighbors very badly. I thought:

- Evil people must also have good points, otherwise, how could she live?

So day and night I paid attention to looking for the good and beautiful things in her. Finally, I found them! I immediately told her:

- Nature is the star of fortune;

Mind is the star of wealth;

The body is the star of longevity. Her heart is very good because she does many things to help others. Only her nature is hot-tempered, and because of hot-tempered she cannot give in to anyone, at the slightest provocation she curses people, therefore she has not enjoyed the blessings of heaven. After hearing this, she listened to me, and immediately changed her temperament, and from then on she had a very prosperous life. Therefore, when you look for the good points of someone, do not argue or argue, even with yourself. If you argue, you will be far from the path of peace.

There was also another neighbor, with a wicked and fierce temperament. She loved to drink alcohol, and after drinking, she cursed others. I thought to myself, she is so wicked but does not get sick, if she behaved like that with others, she would get sick. At this point, probably she must have something very good, but I did not see it, but finally, I suddenly discovered it! It turned out that her good point was that she never remembered hatred. For example, she was about to curse someone, but when she heard that someone was in trouble, she would quickly help them without any conditions, even if it was midnight or one or two hours in the morning. She completely ignored any grudges or curses. That was the good point that kept her from getting sick. Because of this, I learned that finding the good points of others is the foundation of practicing the path of liberation. Accepting one's own mistakes is a wise person, and whoever can cultivate a nature like water will attain enlightenment. The ancients taught:

- The highest goodness is like water

There was a Buddhist A who also wholeheartedly and actively helped the Temple. She was determined to do many things for the Three Jewels. Once she met me:

- Dear Master, I do the Temple's work, I do everything, but I don't understand why Buddhist B often seems annoyed with me. From there, opinions often conflict, which is very annoying. What should I do, Master?

Hearing that, I said:

- You should not show what you think is good. If you want to teach Buddhist B, you should choose the right time, the right place, and the right thing to do.

Indeed, although helping with Temple work is good when working with someone, you should do what they want, not what you like. In addition, with others, you should also have the heart to learn something from them even if you already know it. That way, Buddhist B will be very happy and will cooperate in working together. After hearing that, Buddha Tu A contemplated, nodded, and saw that it was right.

Normally, you often like to speak like a teacher, like to teach others rather than taking the opportunity to learn something you need. You cannot know what you do not know, so learning will never be the end. People who are always good at learning in all fields are always independent and successful. More specifically, sometimes it is not what you need or do not know, but because you want to help many people, to make people who want to teach happy, you are also willing to be a student to learn so that others can be taught as well. They need to be taught, you give them the conditions to be taught, to make them happy, that's all. It does not matter what you or others need, if it brings them legitimate benefits, you are willing to show it without hesitation. If you have heard and always think about the saying:

- Being a servant of a wise person is better than being a teacher of a fool

Then your learning is endless.

The more humble you are in learning, the more beneficial it is for you. Just try to sit calmly, and quietly, without thinking about anything, and you will see the truth, ultimately everything in life is just a dream. When you sleep, you dream of all kinds of things, when you wake up, everything in the dream is worthless. When you are in a trance, forgetting to be aware, you are like a person in deep sleep, fighting over many things. Everyone wants to be the master, rarely does anyone want to be a servant. When you calm down, and become aware, you will know that the ability to be calm, bright, peaceful, and unmoving, right here, is forever, everything is just a joke. Being a teacher or a student, learning or teaching is just a child's game in life. As an adult with enough ability, you should give it to them, not compete with them. Be at ease, be happy to give it, if you can do that, your life will be much smoother and happier. Once a Buddhist called me and said:

- Master, some people are looking for trouble, gathering in groups of three or five to oppose you, so they have people following you and saying bad things about you.

I smiled and said:

- It's okay, I will know what to do.

When people want to criticize and slander you, you just let them have the opportunity to criticize and that's it. When they are satisfied with the criticism, they won't do anything anymore, then you say things that are beneficial to those who speak ill of you, and they will listen, that's all. Because they don't have enough wisdom, are still in delusion, and still consider everything important, they want to praise and criticize. If praising and criticizing makes people happy, then you should also respect their happiness. This life is very short, you should respect each person's interests so that they have the opportunity to do it before it's too late. If you see that there is enough affinity, then help them awaken, if not, then don't. Don't be foolish and greedy, thinking that you are right and then wanting all of humanity to believe in you, that is stubbornness. Like that, you don't know how to contemplate causes and conditions, so it will lead to trouble, failure, and suffering. If people are awakened, they will see clearly, that praise is fake and criticism is not important. Whatever they need, you give them. Even though you don't create conditions for them to criticize, those who want to criticize, don't be sad because of that. Those who want to hear the Dharma to cultivate, then speak the Dharma, that's all. If you perceive and skillfully live according to conditions like that, your life will be extremely peaceful.

If you practice well, realize, and live with true wisdom, you will have peace, clarity, and joy. All praise, criticism, right, wrong, winning, and losing have no value in themselves, and are no longer powerful enough to control you. Like a person who has eaten delicious food and is full, he no longer cares about any other food. At this point, you have capital, whoever needs anything, you are ready to give it to them. If they need to win, then give in, if they need to criticize or slander, then let them criticize and slander. If they need to be a life teacher, then calmly let them teach. If someone needs something that you are not yet fortunate enough to help with, then just respect and let them do it. Return everything to life, to people, you are still you, empty, spacious, as you have been at peace since time immemorial.

What you need to do is to exploit the human nature of a person, because everyone has good and bad qualities, you should arouse the good. Good and bad qualities are similar to a cup of coffee that contains both cow's milk and the bitterness of coffee beans. If someone does not stir the milk well to dissolve it before drinking, they will complain that the coffee is too bitter. Until they have finished drinking the bitter part of the coffee, and when they reach the milk that remains at the bottom of the cup, they will complain that the coffee is as sweet as honey.

Every person's life is similar, no one is perfect. Everyone has good things and everyone has bad things. If you focus on people's mistakes and do not see their good side, you will see that person as having a bad personality, making you upset all the time. That is forgetting to stir sugar or milk and complaining that the coffee is too bitter. When people obediently listen to you in an excessive way to the point of being passive and inflexible, you will also be bored, complaining that people are too weak and foolish. That is drinking only sugar but not adding enough coffee, so you also complain that it is too sweet and boring.

A sophisticated coffee drinker must of course mix sugar and cow’s milk into the right amount of coffee, to have a cup of especially delicious coffee. That is, a person who knows how to look at the positive and good aspects of others; knows how to learn from bad experiences, knows how to build each other up in the right place, at the right time, when the time is right. Knows how to respect and ignore the shortcomings that the person cannot overcome. That way, it is easy to be friendly with everyone, and life will be more fun and feel more meaningful. Moreover, nine people have ten opinions. People's minds change in a complex way, and their expressions are erratic, but when you think back and calm down, you will see that everyone knows how to correct their mistakes and move towards the inherently kind nature of people. It is like setting a table with many different types of bowls and plates. If a person only cares about the appearance of the bowls and plates, then you know that person does not know how to enjoy a delicious meal. If a person is a connoisseur, then he or she will only choose dishes with excellent flavors. Likewise, you should eat rice, not bowls and plates. Similarly, you should look at the inherent goodness of each person to sympathize and live together, instead of stubbornly looking at temporary mistakes on the outside and then looking down on them and dividing them. That makes your life complicated and painful.

As a human being, everyone has compassion. No matter how difficult or evil a person is, there are times when they think back and feel uncomfortable inside, that is human nature. Some people do not have time to think clearly during the day, accidentally do things they should not do, and at night they think back and feel regretful, that is human nature. You should exploit human nature to live together peacefully and well. If you keep making others angry, hateful... that is exploiting evil nature to arise, then do not blame people for being too evil. Because you exploit evil nature, you will have to suffer the reaction of evil karma.

Every day you have to deal with many different situations, if you try to calm your mind, do not be too hasty, and do not judge too quickly. You should respect the serenity and clarity of mind, take lightly all the right and wrong, the winning and losing on the outside, do not be too short-sighted. You should look far and wide, act gently, and aim for lasting and certain results, then you will inspire humanity in everyone. Only then, this life will be cool, gentle, and strangely free.

Some people say if I do that, but the other person does not know and keeps doing it, what should I do?

That is, you still care too much about right and wrong, about winning and losing outside things, so you expect people to understand you. Just think about it, when you are old and weak and lying on a hospital bed, what use will those things be? Are they still valuable? Whether people understand you or not, they will not bear any of your pain and suffering. But if you can be patient every day, your soul will become peaceful and light. That heart will save you when you are lying in a hospital bed. Knowing that, you do not need those outside things anymore, so why expect people to understand you? Moreover, as humans, everyone has a time when they think back on what they have done, at that time they will realize their mistakes. If they do not realize, give them some more time, and do not force people to understand you too soon, it will lose all meaning. Some things are wronged, if you clear them right away, they will just apologize and that's it. But if you are happy and normal like that, there is no need to clear them, no need for the other person to understand you. After a long time, they accidentally discover that they misunderstood you, at that time they will regret, admire, and want to live well to make up for them a lot but still do not feel satisfied.

During that time of being wrong, you are lending them value. When they find out, you will gain a lot of profit. So today people do not understand, tomorrow they will understand you. Tomorrow they will not understand, then next month they will understand. Next month they will not understand, then next year they will understand. Next year they do not understand, then the next generation will understand you. The next generation does not understand anymore, then when they become Buddhas, they will also realize, there is no Buddha who does not recognize all good things. The longer you lend, the greater the value. As a person with determination and intelligence, knowing how to live, knowing how to give in and sympathize with everyone, there is no need to win or lose, there is no need for people to understand you.

When it comes to lending, sooner or later the borrower will have to pay. This law explains to you that you are all here together not by chance, but because of a predestined relationship with each other in many lifetimes, so that you have met now. That is why there are people you have never known before, but when you meet them you feel friendly, as if you have met them somewhere before. There are people you hate when you meet them for the first time. That is a sign that you have had a predestined relationship with each other from many previous lives, and now you have just met them again. The person you once owed a favor to, you immediately feel fond of as soon as you see him. The person you have created a grudge against, you immediately feel annoyed as soon as you see him. People are born in this world because of a mixture of good and evil predestined relationships. From predestined relationships come, and from predestined relationships come disintegration. When the predestined relationships are enough, they remain; when the predestined relationships end, they are gone. When the predestined relationships remain, no matter how much you try to destroy them, they will not be destroyed; when the predestined relationships end, no matter how you try to hold on, they will fall apart. Therefore, on the path of cultivation, you should practice looking at the good in others and not looking for their bad things. Because, when you are not enlightened, you will still meet each other for a long time in the cycle of birth and death. Sometimes you become a husband or wife, sometimes you become a child or grandchild, sometimes you become a sibling, sometimes you confront each other, and sometimes you are friendly.

You often see families with very good and talented children, but they don't live with you for long. When they leave this world, the parents are sad and cry for a long time. If you look closely, you will see that the person who leaves is not unlucky. That child was more good and talented than others when he was born, that is because his blessings were better than other normal people's, but due to a little bit of extra fate, he had to temporarily visit the human world as a child in your family for a short time. When this world's karma is over, his blessings are higher, and the human world is no longer the place for him to stay, so he has to leave your family to go to another more suitable world.

Thus, he has a fate and only visits you for a short time and then has to leave, he is not something of yours and has to stay with you forever. But you still cling to that child as yours, as your possession, so when it leaves, you are sad. It is going to a world that is more suitable for it, with greater blessings and more happiness, while you are here with fewer blessings than it, yet you cry for it. That is paradoxical. It is going to be a happier place, so it should feel pity for you. You are more miserable than it, so you are the one who deserves pity. But you do not know how to feel pity to care for yourself, but instead feel pity for someone happier, thinking back, it is absurd, it is not certain that person still needs your love.

It is similar to a man who suddenly has five million in his account. He is happy and excited and preparing to have a party for his friends, when the bank calls to ask for the money back because someone made a mistake and has already transferred it into his account. So he is sad and depressed. That five million is just a wrong transfer, it only has a short-term relationship with him and then has to go to its rightful place, but he still believes it is his and is sad. The same goes for the other child, it only has a short-term relationship with you and then has to follow its path of good fortune or karma, it is not yours. Yet when it first comes to your house for a while, it believes it is your child, so when it leaves, you suffer. It is because of attachment that you have to suffer miserably.

All other relationships are the same, husband and wife, friends, relatives, material wealth, house... all come from causes and conditions. When there is enough affinity, it will remain, when there is no affinity, it will part. It is a worldly affinity, not yours truly, if you do not let it go, one day it will leave you. It would help if you practiced being less attached, gradually parting with it, until it leaves, then you will suffer. You should see that everything is due to affinity to be less connected, not possessive, not wrong, and not have any more pitiful sufferings for you.

This life is an inn, you come and go to another world, depending on your blessings or karma. In the family, it is the same, you only come together for a certain period and then you have to part, like when a close friend comes to your house to visit, after a few days that close friend says goodbye to you, you insist on seeing him off to the bus station. Your close friend stops you:

- Even if you take me a thousand miles, in the end, we will have to part. No matter what, you can only take me a short distance. Just take me to the door and then stop!

Therefore, there is a saying:

- Human life is like a bird sharing a common home.

When the time comes, they will fly away.

The same is true for human life. There is a predestined relationship in being born into the same family, but when impermanence comes, everyone must follow their destiny and go to the next life. Living together in the same family is a predestined relationship, so each person can only help one stage in the life of another. What is always certain is that one can only accompany another person for a short distance!

- You love your parents, hoping that they will live a long life. But while you are being very filial to your parents, they will also leave before your eyes, and you can only accompany your parents for a short distance!

- You have a soul mate, twenty years ago she belonged to her parents. She started a family with you, and a few decades later, due to fate, she was separated. And you and your children can only see her off for a short distance!

- You love your children every hour and every moment, and you hope that you can protect them from the wind and rain. Yet you are growing older every day. Then one day, in front of your children, you will have to leave them. You can only accompany your children for a short distance!

- You value friendship, but if your friends don't leave you, then you will have to leave them. You can only walk with your friends for a short distance! Because you can only walk together for a short distance, you cherish what you have even more.

Therefore, when people are poor and hungry, your care should be like a sweet apple. When people are cold, your help should be like a cotton coat. When people are happy, your smile is the brightest and most cheerful. When people are sad, your comfort should be sincere... Life is inherently repeating its laws.

Because you can only walk a short distance with your loved ones, you also need to learn to give up bad habits and most importantly, you need to know how to find the good in others. Parents can only comfort and raise you to adulthood, but you should not expect them to be a permanent stick to support your entire life. Children are only related to you by blood, not your dependents. You need to respect their life choices. Your wife and children serve you, but the lives of your wife and children are not mortgaged items, so you should give your wife and children the necessary open space. Friends can give you warmth, but this kind of warmth is an open feeling, you cannot forcefully monopolize the friendship of others...

You are just a passerby in someone else's life, you can only walk a short distance with them, and vice versa, others are the same to you. That is the finiteness that you can give to others, and others give to you as well.

In short, whether you have a life span of ten years, twenty years, or more than a hundred years, it is only a part of the road. You can only have the fate to walk with others for a certain part, do not confuse it with stubbornness and possessiveness. Therefore, in the rare moments when you still have the fate, you should care more about others than you think others must follow your style. That way, you will not be misunderstood, know how to respect and help others, bring everyone to a positive, joyful life, and not cause suffering to yourself and others. To do that, you must know how to see the good qualities of others. Only by seeing the good qualities of others can you live together in a harmonious and happy life.

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