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DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE
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- THE VALUE OF
- KINDNESS AND COMPASSION
By Nhat Quan
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---o0o---
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The development of love and compassion plays a very necessary
role in life. Besides, other things are just a means to
cultivate feelings, enthusiasm, and affection, to improve
relationships with others. As a Buddhist practicing the path
of liberation, developing love and compassion is an essential
part of guiding your life in the spirit of the Buddha.
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So what is Love and Compassion:
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- Love and compassion can be broadly defined as a state of
mind that does not use violence, does not harm anyone, does
not disadvantage anyone, and is not aggressive.
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It is an attitude, or spirit, based on the desire for others
to be free from suffering, and for everyone to be happy. And
with a sense of dedication, responsibility, and respect for
others.
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First of all, in developing love and compassion, you can begin
by wishing for yourself to be free from suffering, and then
turn this natural feeling toward yourself. As you cultivate
and enhance it, then extend it to others.
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However, you should not confuse love with attachment. So when
talking about love and compassion, you must first distinguish
between two types of love or affection:
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1- A kind of love tinged with attachment:
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This type of love is when you have the feeling of controlling
someone or loving someone so that person will love you back.
This kind of love is unfair and biased. This type of love is
based on observing and recognizing that person as a loved one,
which can lead to a certain emotional attachment and a feeling
of closeness. But this kind of love is only if there is a
small change such as a disagreement, or the person you
consider close or loving does something that makes you angry,
then suddenly all love changes, conceptually. The concept of
love is no more. Then you will see that attachment, those
loving feelings disappear. And instead of feeling love and
concern for each other, you become feeling hate and
resentment. So the kind of love that relies on attachment can
be closely intertwined with hatred.
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2- Love is not attached, it is kindness and compassion
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The kind of love without attachment is Love and Compassion.
That is the true kind of love. This kind of love and
compassion is not based on whether this or that person is
close or not close. Rather, true love and compassion rest on
the fundamental fact that all people have an innate desire to
be happy. Based on the recognition of equality, and the
universality of human beings, you develop a sense of
relationship and closeness with others. On that basis, you
feel love and compassion whether you see others as friends or
enemies. It is based on basic human rights rather than the
individual's spiritual intentions. On that basis, you create
love kindness, and compassion. That is true love and
compassion.
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So, you clearly see two types of love, the type of love with
kindness and compassion is the true love that is very
important in everyday life. For example, in marriage, there is
often emotional attachment and attachment. But if there is a
genuine element of love and compassion, based on mutual
respect, the marriage will last. On the contrary, in the case
of emotional attachment without love and compassion, the
marriage is not stable and can end more quickly.
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The difference between the feeling of true love, or love and
compassion, and love based on attachment, is that the feeling
of true love and compassion is much stronger and broader
because it has a very profound character. Therefore, love with
genuine love and compassion is much more stable and
trustworthy.
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Because the definition of love and compassion requires you to
open your heart to the suffering of others. Share the
suffering of others. But there is a more fundamental question,
why do you feel sorry for the suffering of others but not care
about your own?
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The answer is:
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- There is an important difference between your suffering and
the suffering you can experience in a state of love and
compassion when you decide to share the suffering of others.
At least there is a difference in properties.
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Mean:
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- When you think about your suffering, you feel completely
overwhelmed. There is a feeling of heaviness, of being
pressured by something, a feeling of helplessness. There is a
depression, just like that, all your abilities have become
paralyzed.
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To create love and compassion, when you take on the suffering
of others, you may initially feel some degree of discomfort, a
feeling of frustration, or intolerance. But in the case of
love and compassion, the feeling is quite different, because
underneath the unpleasant feeling is a very high level of
activity and determination. Because you voluntarily and
intentionally accept the suffering of others for a higher
purpose. You will feel connected and bound, reaching out to
help others, a feeling of refreshment, not depression. Like an
athlete during rigorous training, an athlete must go through
many things:
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- Plan, sweat, and exert yourself.
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The experience of becoming an athlete is indeed difficult and
takes a lot of effort, but athletes do not consider it as
experiencing suffering. The athlete understands it as a great
achievement, an experience associated with a feeling of joy.
But if an athlete has to do physical labor that is not part of
sports training, then that athlete will think:
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- Oh, why do I have to endure this terrible trial?
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So mental attitude makes a huge difference.
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Those words, spoken with such conviction, pulled you from
feeling oppressed into someone who sought to resolve
suffering, to overcome suffering.
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In the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, I see two main types of
techniques for cultivating love and compassion. That's the
method:
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- Cause and effect perspective.
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This perspective will encourage you to always do good and
honest work.
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- Equality perspective between you and others
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As a Buddhist you believe that love and compassion provide the
basis for human survival, the true value of human life,
without love there is a major missing part of life. Being
extremely sensitive to the feelings of others is an element of
love, kindness, and compassion. For example, someone is having
difficulty relating to a wife, husband, or relative. If a
person is truly indifferent to the suffering and feelings of
others, whether billionaires, educated people, wealthy
businessmen, politicians, or national leaders, I think their
so-called positive activities are just something fake, because
they are lonely people. On the contrary, if a person is full
of love, no matter what field they are in, that person will
not feel lacking anything...
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But even if that's true, there are still a few things you need
to keep in mind. First of all, let me suggest that if you
treat others with love compassion, and affection, it will make
you feel happy. So based on that experience, it will help you
realize that other people also feel happy when treated with
kindness and compassion. So, acknowledging this fact will make
you respectful of others, more sensitive to other people's
feelings, and make you more inclined to bring kindness
compassion, and consideration to others. At the same time, you
discover that the more kindness you give to others, the more
kindness you receive in return.
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Suppose there is a person who has all the favorable
conditions, success in life, lots of friends, financial
security, and so on..., Maybe even the family and children
depend on that person, and seem satisfied because that person
is successful, and they have a lot of money and a comfortable
life. But if that person feels that everything is fine and
that there is no real need to develop love and compassion, I
attribute that view to ignorance and short-sightedness.
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Of course, if you want to explain to someone the importance of
love and compassion, in some cases you have to confront
someone insensitive, individualistic, and selfish, who only
cares about themselves and their interests. And it may even be
that there are people who are unable to sympathize with even
those they love or are close to them. But even with such
people, you can still express the importance of love and
compassion in the best possible way to meet their interests.
Because everyone wants to have good health, live a long life,
and have peace of mind, happiness, and joy. And if these are
the things that they are interested in, I think you have
scientific evidence that these things can be developed by
feelings of love and compassion...
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When you practice different methods and techniques, the
benefits you receive will also vary depending on each person's
unique situation. And it's also possible that those techniques
are sometimes completely ineffective.
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Special techniques to enhance love and compassion first:
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- Learning and fully understanding the value of love and
compassion, gives you confidence and determination. Then use
methods to increase empathy, such as imagination, creativity,
and putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
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But the main issue is that if you talk about different methods
to develop love and compassion, what matters is whether you
make a sincere effort to develop the capacity for love and
compassion. The degree to which you can cultivate love and
compassion depends on many factors, but if you make a sincere
effort, to be kind, to cultivate love and compassion, sooner
or later you will succeed.
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In short, the value of love and compassion is very great, and
if you want to develop it, it is not difficult. The way to do
this is when making any decision, you must ask yourself:
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- Developing love and compassion, will it bring me happiness?
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That simple question will be a powerful tool to help you
skillfully manage all areas of your life. Not only when
deciding what to do and what not to do, but it will also help
you have a new attitude about things. By addressing your daily
decisions and choices with that question in mind, you will
shift your focus from what you deny to what you are seeking
for ultimate happiness. A kind of happiness that is steady and
enduring. A state of happiness that continues to exist,
despite life's ups and downs and the mood swings that are part
of your life circumstances. With this perspective, it will be
easier to make the right decision. Because you act for
yourself, do not deny, or keep something for yourself, only an
attitude of moving forward rather than running away. An
attitude that accepts life rather than rejects it. The
underlying awareness of progress toward happiness can have a
very profound effect, it makes you more receptive, and more
open, to the joys of life.
---o0o---
If you have any recommendations,
please e-mail to:
chuaduocsu@duocsu.org
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