Chua Duoc Su

The development of love and compassion plays a very necessary role in life. Besides, other things are just a means to cultivate feelings, enthusiasm, and affection, to improve relationships with others. As a Buddhist practicing the path of liberation, developing love and compassion is an essential part of guiding your life in the spirit of the Buddha.

So what is Love and Compassion:

- Love and compassion can be broadly defined as a state of mind that does not use violence, does not harm anyone, does not disadvantage anyone, and is not aggressive.

It is an attitude, or spirit, based on the desire for others to be free from suffering, and for everyone to be happy. And with a sense of dedication, responsibility, and respect for others.

First of all, in developing love and compassion, you can begin by wishing for yourself to be free from suffering, and then turn this natural feeling toward yourself. As you cultivate and enhance it, then extend it to others.

However, you should not confuse love with attachment. So when talking about love and compassion, you must first distinguish between two types of love or affection:

1- A kind of love tinged with attachment:

This type of love is when you have the feeling of controlling someone or loving someone so that person will love you back. This kind of love is unfair and biased. This type of love is based on observing and recognizing that person as a loved one, which can lead to a certain emotional attachment and a feeling of closeness. But this kind of love is only if there is a small change such as a disagreement, or the person you consider close or loving does something that makes you angry, then suddenly all love changes, conceptually. The concept of love is no more. Then you will see that attachment, those loving feelings disappear. And instead of feeling love and concern for each other, you become feeling hate and resentment. So the kind of love that relies on attachment can be closely intertwined with hatred.

2- Love is not attached, it is kindness and compassion

The kind of love without attachment is Love and Compassion. That is the true kind of love. This kind of love and compassion is not based on whether this or that person is close or not close. Rather, true love and compassion rest on the fundamental fact that all people have an innate desire to be happy. Based on the recognition of equality, and the universality of human beings, you develop a sense of relationship and closeness with others. On that basis, you feel love and compassion whether you see others as friends or enemies. It is based on basic human rights rather than the individual's spiritual intentions. On that basis, you create love kindness, and compassion. That is true love and compassion.

So, you clearly see two types of love, the type of love with kindness and compassion is the true love that is very important in everyday life. For example, in marriage, there is often emotional attachment and attachment. But if there is a genuine element of love and compassion, based on mutual respect, the marriage will last. On the contrary, in the case of emotional attachment without love and compassion, the marriage is not stable and can end more quickly.

The difference between the feeling of true love, or love and compassion, and love based on attachment, is that the feeling of true love and compassion is much stronger and broader because it has a very profound character. Therefore, love with genuine love and compassion is much more stable and trustworthy.

Because the definition of love and compassion requires you to open your heart to the suffering of others. Share the suffering of others. But there is a more fundamental question, why do you feel sorry for the suffering of others but not care about your own?

The answer is:

- There is an important difference between your suffering and the suffering you can experience in a state of love and compassion when you decide to share the suffering of others. At least there is a difference in properties.

Mean:

- When you think about your suffering, you feel completely overwhelmed. There is a feeling of heaviness, of being pressured by something, a feeling of helplessness. There is a depression, just like that, all your abilities have become paralyzed.

To create love and compassion, when you take on the suffering of others, you may initially feel some degree of discomfort, a feeling of frustration, or intolerance. But in the case of love and compassion, the feeling is quite different, because underneath the unpleasant feeling is a very high level of activity and determination. Because you voluntarily and intentionally accept the suffering of others for a higher purpose. You will feel connected and bound, reaching out to help others, a feeling of refreshment, not depression. Like an athlete during rigorous training, an athlete must go through many things:

- Plan, sweat, and exert yourself.

The experience of becoming an athlete is indeed difficult and takes a lot of effort, but athletes do not consider it as experiencing suffering. The athlete understands it as a great achievement, an experience associated with a feeling of joy. But if an athlete has to do physical labor that is not part of sports training, then that athlete will think:

- Oh, why do I have to endure this terrible trial?

So mental attitude makes a huge difference.

Those words, spoken with such conviction, pulled you from feeling oppressed into someone who sought to resolve suffering, to overcome suffering.

In the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, I see two main types of techniques for cultivating love and compassion. That's the method:

- Cause and effect perspective.

This perspective will encourage you to always do good and honest work.

- Equality perspective between you and others

As a Buddhist you believe that love and compassion provide the basis for human survival, the true value of human life, without love there is a major missing part of life. Being extremely sensitive to the feelings of others is an element of love, kindness, and compassion. For example, someone is having difficulty relating to a wife, husband, or relative. If a person is truly indifferent to the suffering and feelings of others, whether billionaires, educated people, wealthy businessmen, politicians, or national leaders, I think their so-called positive activities are just something fake, because they are lonely people. On the contrary, if a person is full of love, no matter what field they are in, that person will not feel lacking anything...

But even if that's true, there are still a few things you need to keep in mind. First of all, let me suggest that if you treat others with love compassion, and affection, it will make you feel happy. So based on that experience, it will help you realize that other people also feel happy when treated with kindness and compassion. So, acknowledging this fact will make you respectful of others, more sensitive to other people's feelings, and make you more inclined to bring kindness compassion, and consideration to others. At the same time, you discover that the more kindness you give to others, the more kindness you receive in return.

Suppose there is a person who has all the favorable conditions, success in life, lots of friends, financial security, and so on..., Maybe even the family and children depend on that person, and seem satisfied because that person is successful, and they have a lot of money and a comfortable life. But if that person feels that everything is fine and that there is no real need to develop love and compassion, I attribute that view to ignorance and short-sightedness.

Of course, if you want to explain to someone the importance of love and compassion, in some cases you have to confront someone insensitive, individualistic, and selfish, who only cares about themselves and their interests. And it may even be that there are people who are unable to sympathize with even those they love or are close to them. But even with such people, you can still express the importance of love and compassion in the best possible way to meet their interests. Because everyone wants to have good health, live a long life, and have peace of mind, happiness, and joy. And if these are the things that they are interested in, I think you have scientific evidence that these things can be developed by feelings of love and compassion...

When you practice different methods and techniques, the benefits you receive will also vary depending on each person's unique situation. And it's also possible that those techniques are sometimes completely ineffective.

Special techniques to enhance love and compassion first:

- Learning and fully understanding the value of love and compassion, gives you confidence and determination. Then use methods to increase empathy, such as imagination, creativity, and putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

But the main issue is that if you talk about different methods to develop love and compassion, what matters is whether you make a sincere effort to develop the capacity for love and compassion. The degree to which you can cultivate love and compassion depends on many factors, but if you make a sincere effort, to be kind, to cultivate love and compassion, sooner or later you will succeed.

In short, the value of love and compassion is very great, and if you want to develop it, it is not difficult. The way to do this is when making any decision, you must ask yourself:

- Developing love and compassion, will it bring me happiness?

That simple question will be a powerful tool to help you skillfully manage all areas of your life. Not only when deciding what to do and what not to do, but it will also help you have a new attitude about things. By addressing your daily decisions and choices with that question in mind, you will shift your focus from what you deny to what you are seeking for ultimate happiness. A kind of happiness that is steady and enduring. A state of happiness that continues to exist, despite life's ups and downs and the mood swings that are part of your life circumstances. With this perspective, it will be easier to make the right decision. Because you act for yourself, do not deny, or keep something for yourself, only an attitude of moving forward rather than running away. An attitude that accepts life rather than rejects it. The underlying awareness of progress toward happiness can have a very profound effect, it makes you more receptive, and more open, to the joys of life.