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DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE
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- PRACTICING KINDNESS
By Nhat Quan
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What I like most
about Buddhism is the spirit of tolerance and
non-discrimination. If you practice love according to Buddhist
teachings, that love must extend to everyone, without
excluding anyone. You not only love Buddhist teachings but
also other religions' teachings. You don't think that only
your view and understanding are right, while the experience
and views of different traditions are wrong. That is why a
true Buddhist will never wage war against other religions.
Buddhism is not dogmatic. The teachings of Buddha are a path
to help you transform, not a truth for you to worship and
protect, especially by using violent means. Buddha once taught
how you must practice to be free, not trapped by Buddhist
teachings, and the idea of Buddha within you.
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In the direction
of practicing Buddhist teachings and not being stuck in
dogmas, it can be said that kindness and faith are the two
most important things in social life. But today, most people
cannot keep their faith, so society falls into a state of
insecurity. The reality that you often encounter is that
politicians always promise many things to make people believe
and vote for them, but once they become leaders, whether they
fulfill their promises or not is another matter.
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According to
public opinion polls, when politicians run for office, they
always promise to do good things to win people's trust. At
that time, they had the support of 60% or more of the people,
but when they were elected, the number of people who trusted
and supported them decreased because their words did not match
their actions, or they did not do what they promised.
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Therefore, you
should consider following Buddha's teachings, say what you
will do, and do what you promise, then you will have a
position in society. Having trust in people is your living
ground, living in the hearts of those who love you.
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The Buddha
became a monk and renounced everything, but he still had a
benevolent heart that loved everyone and all species. It was
the boundless love of the Buddha that deeply touched people,
causing them to voluntarily worship Him, take Him into their
hearts, and respectfully bow to Him. Indeed, Buddha Nirvana is
several thousand years old, but he has an immense benevolent
heart towards you, so people across all five continents and
four seas still think of Buddha and practice according to
Buddha, applying Buddha's teachings in life, that's the
important thing you have to think about.
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Mercy, or in
other words, compassion comes from deep within the human
heart. The compassion of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas hidden
inside is completely real, selfless, altruistic, and different
from the false compassion of ordinary people on the tip of
their lips.
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The benevolence
of a cultivator is a natural reaction. When you see someone in
distress, you help them. In the Eight Great Enlightenment
Sutra, Buddha taught:
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- Bodhisattvas
give alms with an even mind, not thinking of this person as an
enemy, that person as a relative...
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So on your path
of practice, don't let your good mind turn bad over time. This
often happens, some people who first practice have a good
mind, but after a while due to conflicts with many elements in
society, if they do not have a strong mind, their good mind
may change. Through that, there was a Buddhist who loved to do
charity. One day he came to visit me at Duoc Su Pagoda and
said:
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- Dear Teacher,
I don't want to do charity anymore
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Seeing a
Buddhist man, with a good heart to help the poor, suddenly
changed to a bad heart, hating the poor and not wanting to do
charity anymore. Hearing that, I asked:
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- I see that you
like to help the poor, and like to do charity work, but today
why do you say you don't like doing this anymore?
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At that time he
said:
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- They are
greedy and selfish, even though I help them like that, they
are still not satisfied.
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I laughed and
said:
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- According to
the law of cause and effect, it is because they are greedy and
selfish that they are poor.
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So when you have
made up your mind to do good deeds, you should try to overcome
the common problems in the world. As you know, if you know how
to change from bad to good, it's very good, there's nothing
worth mentioning. But on the contrary, if your benevolence
turns bad, the merit of all your previous charitable deeds
will be lost. So you should think again.
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It would help if
you remembered this idea on your cultivated path, especially
while practicing kindness. There are good people, but you must
be careful with that goodness, because it may contain bad
implications. On the contrary, people who dare to point out
bad things to help you move forward are good people you also
need to know. That means on the path of practicing
loving-kindness, you must always be aware of what you should
do and what you should not do.
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According to the
monks' comments, to easily practice kindness, empathy is the
secret for you to develop kindness and compassion. You need to
note that life has meaning when you can relieve the pain of
others. In today's selfish world, you may have noticed that
people easily lose their hearts without compassion and do not
care about the needs of others. However, Buddhists are taught
to love their neighbors and each other deeply. You probably
know that even though you want to love each other, you often
miss many opportunities to ease the pain of others. It could
just be because you are not aware of their needs. Empathy is
the key to helping you open your heart and show kindness and
compassion to others.
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So what is
empathy?
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According to
general opinion, empathy is sharing or understanding another
person's situation, emotions, and motivations. It is also
described as the ability to put oneself in another person's
shoes. Therefore, to have empathy, you must first understand
the other person's circumstances, and second, share that
person's feelings in those circumstances. Thus, empathy is
feeling from the bottom of your heart about another person's
pain.
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Although he did
not use the word empathy, the Buddha also indirectly mentioned
this virtue through the spirit of Love, Compassion, Joy, and
Equanimity. As a Buddhist, you must sympathize, love each
other, and have mercy. The Greek word translated sympathy
means:
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- Suffer
together with the suffering of others, or have compassion for
others when they are in need.
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Venerable monks
also taught cultivating those feelings when advising
believers:
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- Be happy with
other people's happiness. Sad about the sadness of others.
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And care for
others like yourself. Surely you agree that if you don't put
yourself in other people's shoes, it will be difficult for you
to love your neighbor as yourself.
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Almost everyone
is more or less empathetic. Is there anyone who is not moved
by images of hungry people or people in need? What loving
mother would leave her child crying? But not all suffering is
apparent on the outside. It is difficult to understand the
state of mind of someone suffering from depression, a subtle
physical illness, or even an eating disorder if you have never
suffered from those problems yourself! However, Buddhist
teachings suggest that you can and should practice empathy for
those who are not in the same situation as you.
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How to cultivate
empathy, according to Buddhist monks who repeatedly encourage
you to follow the Buddha's example, so empathy is a virtue
that needs to be cultivated. How?
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Three main ways
to become more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others
are:
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1- Listen,
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By listening
attentively, you will learn about the problems others are
facing. And the more attentively you listen, the easier it is
for the other person to confide in you. Indeed, when you
listen, the other person can confidently say that you will
listen to them. The other person is certain that you truly
understand their problem, and the other person trusts that you
sympathize with them.
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2- Observe.
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Not everyone
will tell you how they feel or what they are experiencing.
However, a keen observer will notice the discouragement of
others. The ability to feel the problem is essential to the
full openness that follows.
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3- Use
imagination.
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The most
effective way to stimulate empathy is to ask yourself:
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- How would I
feel if I were in that situation? How will I react? What will
I need?
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You often easier
to criticize mistakes than to understand other people's
feelings. However, if you try to imagine a person suffering
from sadness, you will sympathize instead of condemning the
other person. Your life becomes meaningful thanks to empathy.
If you have food available, not many of you want to leave a
child to starve. If you have empathy, you will also recognize
a person's spiritual condition. This may help you overcome
long-standing prejudices or traditions to reach some people.
Practitioners have empathy and try to find similarities or
talk about topics of interest to others to make the message of
the good mind more attractive. Acts of kindness born of
empathy can also make listeners more receptive to the message
of liberation.
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Empathy is an
invaluable condition that helps you ignore the mistakes of
others in life. If you try to understand the feelings of
someone who has offended you, you will probably find it easier
to forgive the other person. You would likely react the same
way as the other person if you were in the other person's
situation and had the same situations and experiences as the
other person. If empathy has made people remember that we are
present in this life because of the seven elements, wouldn't
our empathy motivate us to forgive the imperfections of others
and be like them? So you will be generous in forgiving them.
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Your advice to
others will be more compassionate if you understand the mood
and sensitivities of the wronged person. When you empathize
with others, you must remind yourself:
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- I can make
that mistake too. I could be in the same situation as the
other person.
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Empathy can also
motivate you to provide practical help to the best of your
ability, even though others may shy away from your help. To
love in action and truth, you first need to know the special
needs of others. Whether you carefully acknowledge the needs
of others to want to help or not, that is empathy. So it would
help if you cultivated sympathy
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You may not be
naturally empathetic, but you can cultivate this quality. You
will have more empathy if you listen more attentively, observe
more closely, and regularly put yourself in other people's
shoes. As a result, you will feel motivated to show more love,
kindness, and compassion toward others. Therefore, you must
cultivate this virtue. Empathy will help you become a better
role model. Above all, empathy will help you understand that
giving is more blessing than receiving
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Buddha loves all
living beings and He has the perfect means to tame you to
become a good person. Buddha's goal is to make everyone happy,
and liberated, and reach Nirvana. Therefore, when Buddha
attained enlightenment in Bodh Gaya, he wanted to enter
Nirvana, because he thought that the dharma he practiced and
attained was difficult for people to hear, understand, accept,
and do. But in the end, because of Buddha's infinite
compassion, he gave up his supreme position to return to an
ordinary person to be close to and guide everyone. First, the
Buddha transformed the five Kondanna brothers.
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Buddha's Nirvana
is nearly six thousand years old, but he has a heart of
immense kindness towards us that is still there, so people
across the five continents and four seas still think of him.
According to Buddha, you are willing to give up material
things, but if you give up everything, you will never lose it.
Because first, your mind is light, not bound or miserable, on
the contrary, you can look far to understand how to give up
everything to gain everything like Buddha. Reality shows that
the Buddha's practice and work achieved results in winning the
hearts of people, from the poor to the rich, from the human
world to the devil or the heavens, all have admired the Buddha
over time nearly 26 centuries long. Buddha's gain is
infinitely great.
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Study Buddhism
like that and re-examine what your spiritual path has achieved
and what is beyond. If your good deeds are sown in people's
hearts, when you are alive, they will respect you and when you
die, you will leave a good reputation in the world and carry
it to your next rebirth. As Samantabhadra Bodhisattva taught,
you should not do what you cannot carry with you. The Buddha
said that from the time he developed the Bodhi mind to finally
becoming a Buddha, he spent countless lifetimes doing all good
deeds, that is, showing kindness to sentient beings, none of
which was as small as a grain of dust but Bodhisattva does not
sacrifice himself to help sentient beings. In other words, if
the Buddha fully demonstrates great compassion and cultivates
enough benevolence, people who are against him or in favor of
him will love him.
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When Buddha
attained enlightenment under the Bodhi tree, he remembered
that in his past life, Kondanna was an evil king who had
gouged out his eyes and ripped out his flesh. The Buddha felt
sorry for him and went to Deer Park to save him. Theravada
Buddhism also says the same. Buddha did not walk to Deer Park,
but when he attained enlightenment, Buddha walked with
supernatural powers. When Kondanna was transformed, the Buddha
developed a mind of equality, because Kondanna harmed him and
owed him something. He said Kondanna was easy to listen to.
You see this, people who are good to you often look to see if
there's anything bad about you. But if you meet evil people
again, you will find it easy for them to love you. According
to the experience of the Venerable Monks, when you see someone
afraid of you, you know that they did something wrong to you
in their previous life, so you say it's easy for them to
listen and wait for you to speak.
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At first glance,
Venerable Kondanna did not want to meet the Buddha, but when
Venerable Kondanna saw the Buddha approaching and he spoke to
Venerable Kondanna with loving kindness, Venerable also
received the Buddha's loving kindness and immediately attained
Arhatship. The same was true for the four other Venerable
Kondanna's fellow practitioners. This shows you that these
people in previous lives had a relationship with Buddha,
whether it was a favorable or unfavorable fate. And especially
if you are against fate, it is easy for you to develop your
mind.
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Likewise, Buddha
teaches you with loving-kindness. Therefore, Buddha Nirvana no
longer exists in this life, but Buddha's kindness still
exists, so Buddha can still preach the Dharma to you. If you
have a predestined relationship with Buddha, you naturally
think of Buddha, so Buddha preaches the Dharma with your mind.
The Buddha's mind passes through your mind, causing you to
develop the mind to practice the Bodhisattva path. Indeed,
when you directly perceive the Buddha's compassion, your mind
will naturally light up and you will also have compassion and
treat others with compassion, so you can also transform
others.
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The Buddha sat
and meditated in Bodh Gaya, he attained enlightenment and with
his benevolent heart went straight to the mind of the
Venerable Kondanna. History says that Venerable Kondanna
wanted to avoid the Buddha, but wherever he turned he saw the
Buddha because the Buddha was already in his mind. He avoided
the Buddha because he was ashamed, but the Buddha had entered
his mind, and could not avoid it.
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In short, on the
path of following Buddha, your starting point is to obtain
Buddha's kindness by all means, and by using that kindness,
you will be able to influence people and your compassion will
expand to the limitless world. Wherever there are sentient
beings, your mind can go, and wherever Buddha's world is, you
can go. So whether it is the Pure Land of Amitabha Buddha, the
Pure Land of Medicine Buddha, or the world of Prabhutaratna
Buddha, etc. May everyone be blessed by the Buddha and leave
this illusory body to return to the realm according to your
needs.
---o0o---
If you have any recommendations,
please e-mail to:
chuaduocsu@duocsu.org
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