DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

---o0o---

             Gossip of right and wrong is simply understood as public opinion, a rumor. The words Gossip of right and wrong go together to mean that the world's mouth is unpredictable, whoever wants to say right can say it, and whoever wants to say wrong can say it. Meaning, say whatever you like. There are three types of Gossip right and wrong

             1- Talking too much:

             This type is the most common, along with the idea that there is no smoke without fire and the spirit of copying three times, and the original is lost. So after a few times of spreading it to each other by word of mouth, the truth became extremely big and dangerous. For example:

             - Person A saw person Y coming home from work at 11:00 PM. When person A meets person B he says:

             - Lately, Ms. Y has been coming home late from anywhere, sometimes she only comes home at 1 a.m.

             Person B heard Person A, and when he met Person C, he immediately said:

             - Ms. Y is now drinking and partying too much, only coming home late at night.

             Person C heard person B say, when meeting person D, person C said::

             - Ms. Y is really spoiled, she left home for a few days before returning.

             That's saying too much, and the more you say it, the more untrue it is.

             2. Make up stories and say bad words:

             This type is less, but also more evil! Usually, you are jealous of something about the object, so you find a way to smear it to your satisfaction. You will make some hypotheses and talk about them all day long, such as:

             - If you don't do anything illegal, how can you be so rich? Or say, it looks so decent, but who knows what it's hiding? The other day I saw…

             3. Stinging other people's past:

             This type is the most evil. They talk about true stories, but they are the subject's mistakes in the past. It's over, but you keep repeating it over and over again. Now that person has changed, but for you, you still say that person is still evil and you want the whole world to know that. It seems like when other people get better, you don't like it.

             The three types I just mentioned above are all types of gossip from ignorant people to bad people, and there may be some other types.

Meeting each other in this world is fate, and everyone gets caught up in gossip of right and wrong at least once or twice. Even the Buddha during his time in the world also suffered many scandals from the tongues of Brahmans. The only thing is, if you encounter gossip of right and wrong and you walk past it gently, you are a lucky person. If you see gossip of right and wrong and reach out to grab it and hang it around your neck as jewelry, you are a foolish person. So what should you do so that when the gossip of right and wrong comes down to you, you can still get over it easily?

             According to some monks' instructions:

             1- Absolutely do not argue or clarify with people who intentionally say bad things about you, it will only create more excitement for them. The more you talk, the more mistakes will appear for them to expose and dissect. Furthermore, outsiders will also begin to doubt you.

             2- Silence, ignoring:

             This is the solution chosen by many people, and it is also effective in many cases, but it is not a stable and long-term solution. Imagine wearing a raincoat and walking in the rain. No matter how good the raincoat is, if you walk for a long time in the rain, it will still be cold and wet. Be quiet and be patient with the little rains.

             3- The most effective but also the most difficult solution is sympathy:

             This is like buying a raincoat and buying a house to protect you from the rain. But if you buy a house, you will no longer be afraid of wind and rain, then you can comfortably sit and watch the rain. When someone attacks or speaks ill of you, first take the time to look back at yourself and see how much of what that person said is true. Don't get angry, forget the speaker and focus on getting to know yourself, that way you will both benefit and not get angry. The next step is to sympathize with the person who speaks ill of you:

             - Why do they have to do that?

             How angry are they, and how educated are they? Saying so, what is the benefit or harm to them?... At this point, you completely think about the other person and forget that they are saying bad things about you. When you complete this step, you feel sorry for them, that's all.

4- Use strong measures when necessary:

Life is not paradise so there are still many evil people. Evil is not normal evil anymore. That means when you ignore, stay silent, and sympathize, but they still keep doing it, over and over again. Maybe they were ordered to or for some other reason, but if they refuse to let you go and continue to defame and smear your reputation, it's best for you to quietly collect evidence and sue in court. Better yet, pretend you've never heard what they say and remember the first rule: don't argue with them for nothing. Hopefully, you never have to use this step.

To supplement the solution when encountering the Gossip of right and wrong that our ancients once taught their descendants in an ancient story. The story goes that... During a leisurely day, King Thai Tong asked his courtier Hua Kinh Ton:

- I see that your character is not a poor one. Why is there so much gossip and hate?

Hua Kinh Ton replied, Your Majesty:                       

- Spring rain pours down like oil, farmers are happy because the land is soaked, but pedestrians hate it because the road is slippery.

- The autumn moon shines brightly like a mirror hanging in the night sky, and rows of poets are happy to have the opportunity to sing and recite poetry. But the thieves hate it because the moonlight is so bright.

Heaven and Earth are impartial and unbiased, but the sun, rain, and weather are still blamed and hated by the world. And I am not a perfect person, so how can I avoid criticism? So I secretly think that when it comes to the Gossip of right and wrong in the world, you should calmly consider it, and don't rush to believe it. The king believes that if he listens to the Gossip of right and wrong, his officials will be harmed. Parents who believe in listening to the Gossip of right and wrong will have their children abandoned. The husband and wife believed in listening to Gossip of right and wrong and the family separated. The Gossip of right and wrong in the world is more venomous than snakes and centipedes, sharper than swords, killing people without seeing blood.

The story above is the best example for you to learn when facing the Gossip of right and wrong. That is:

- Unheard,                                                         

- Can't see and

- Not interested!

In this spirit, according to Buddhism, the karma of speech is one of the heaviest karmas a person can create. The wound you cause on another person's body will heal someday, but the wound caused by words will never heal. So be careful with your words, don't cause Gossip of right and wrong because of unconsciousness, and don't use harsh words to torment them because someone has made a mistake in the past, as Oscar Wilde said:

- Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

You are all human, no one is perfect. Forgive and look at each other for good things, compliment and encourage each other to grow together, and don't oppress or mock each other. You can't get higher just by kicking others down. And here is another story worth learning. The story told by Socrates is:

One day a neighbor came to see Socrates:

- Hey Mr. Socrates, have you heard this story?

Socrates interrupted his neighbor:

- Are you sure that everything you are about to tell me is true?

Neighbor:

- Oh... not sure yet. I just heard people say it.

Socrates asked:

- Is that so? So you don't need to worry about it unless it's a good thing. Is that a good thing?

Neighbor:

- Oh no, not good. This is a bad story.

Socrates:

- Well, do you think I need to know that to help prevent bad things for others?

The neighbor replied.

- Oh, well... there's really no need,

Socrates concludes:

  - Very good, then forget about it, okay? There are countless more valuable things in life. You can't waste time worrying about trivial things, things that are neither true, nor good, nor necessary for anyone.

That's why, in conversations, I always try to avoid mentioning someone who is absent. If I do speak, I only say good things and try to find common topics. Thanks to that, I have never had the gossip of right and wrong affect my mind for a long time. I don't agree with anyone when I hear them say good things about me, and I also don't hate anyone when I hear that they say bad things about me.

Most of you have the habit of hearing someone say something bad about you through a second or third person's mouth, then you look for clues to recognize who said that, then get angry and sad, that is a bad thing. Therefore, you need to be mentally prepared in advance, or at least have your own path available, and when something happens, just follow what you know in advance. I chose a direction for myself when there were incorrect words said about me. First, I consider whether what people say about me is true. At this point, I have to put my ego aside to have an objective concept to look at. This is a bit difficult if my ego is big. If it's true, I should bow my head and admit my mistake so that things don't become more complicated when I try to justify it. If I'm wrong, before being completely silent and saying nothing more, I use gentle words to explain if the other person wants to listen.

The situation will become even more complicated when words are exchanged, in which everyone defends their own opinion. So whether you are right or wrong, if you try to justify, try to clarify the problem by arguing over and over, it will only make things worse. In all cases, silence is always the optimal solution. Silence shows your capacity. It can bring out the truth. It could be rhetoric. It can calm anger. It can comfort. It is composure. Sometimes it's braver than speaking out.

You can explain and talk about this again later if necessary when things have calmed down. If you think it's not worth paying attention to anymore, just leave it aside. There's more to life than holding on to resentment and frustration just because others don't understand you correctly.

Let me tell you the following story:

One time, Buddha went to teach in a village of Brahmans. The Brahmin monks saw that their disciples were following Buddha too much, so they tried to stop Buddha and scold him. Buddha still walked leisurely, they followed behind and cursed. Seeing Buddha calmly remaining silent, they got angry, stopped Buddha and asked:

- Are you deaf?

Buddha:

- I'm not deaf.

If you're not deaf, why don't you hear me cursing?

Buddha:

- Brahmin, if your family has a party, your relatives attend, and when the party is over they leave, you give them a gift, but they don't accept it, so whose hands does the gift go to?

Brahmins:

- That gift is about me.

Buddha:

- Likewise, you curse me, if I don't accept it, you accept it.

The Brahmin called Buddha's name and cursed him, but he did not receive it. As for you, when you hear innuendos and whispers everywhere, you always listen carefully, to be sad or angry. Thus, with an enlightened person when he heard the foolish words of sentient beings, the Buddha was neither attached nor sad. As for you, due to ignorance, just one harsh word speaks louder, holding it forever in your heart, so you suffer continuously.

In short, when faced with gossip of right and wrong, most of you have the habit of hearing people say bad things about you through the second or third person's mouth, then you have to find the person to say it and then get angry, foolish, and defilement, which is not good.

Of course, not all gossip of right and wrong is easy to ignore. There are words that insult your personality, affecting not only you but also creating a wave of public opinion on the psychology of those around you. They may use negative comments to perceive you incorrectly. But anyway, you just stay calm. Because gossip of right and wrong will only affect those who superficially evaluate the issue from their mouths. But people who are profound, thoughtful, and knowledgeable know how to look deeply and only make comments after careful evaluation. Therefore, if you are right, then maintain the steadfastness of your mind, then you will have no difficulty when you face such baseless gossip of right and wrong.

---o0o---