DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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It is often said that giving is far more rewarding than receiving, because it is through the recipient that you can express your desire to help others, demonstrating the generosity of a kind heart. Therefore, the recipient is truly important. You need the recipient to accept the kind act you perform for them.

A question arises: Why live kindly, and what do you gain personally from this act of kindness?

When you have the opportunity to do a kind deed, you will find joy in life by creating close relationships with your loved ones, friends, colleagues, and anyone else. Living kindly not only brings good things to others but also benefits your own health.

When you don't know how to do good deeds, at some point, you will encounter obstacles or pressure from life, and you will feel discouraged and sad. But conversely, when you know how to do good deeds, a kind act can help you forget those feelings of sadness and move towards positive things. This act of kindness heals all pain and brings meaning to your life. Do a good deed for someone else and begin the process of healing your own pain. You can prove this through Newton's Third Law, because according to Newton's Third Law:

- In every case, when object A exerts a force on object B, object B also exerts a force on object A. These two forces have the same magnitude and direction, but are opposite in direction.

Therefore, whatever good deed you do for someone, what you give is also what you will receive. All happiness comes from what you have given. When you do anything wrong, even just in thought, you will surely receive suffering in return. Therefore, Newton's Third Law is the most fundamental law that governs all laws in this universe. This also gives you a more general perspective, such as:

- Billionaires are people who have given a lot and then received a lot in return, which is how they became billionaires.

Similarly, when you are happy, you will attract happy people; if you are suffering and despairing, you will attract others who are also suffering and despairing. When you are talented, you will attract other talented people, and when you are strong, you will attract other strong people.

Within every person, there are opposing sides:

- You can do many saintly things, but also many terrible and disgusting things.

Knowing this, you must live well for yourself, which is also a way to help society. When you love others, you give them more strength. Past wounds are healed by the love of others. Therefore, immerse yourself fully, and you will gain experience in the realm of happiness. You will become a saintly person if you love everything in the world and accept everything as it is. When you give, you will receive.

However, some people feel that life is unfair because they believe they have given so much but received so little in return... But in reality, this is not the case; the problem is actually very simple and clear. When you give, you receive much more than the intangible joys that you cannot touch.

Sometimes you wonder why, when others are sad, you are always there to comfort them and heal their wounds, but when they find happiness again, they forget you. And when you are sad, no one listens to you or understands your feelings. You shouldn't be sad about this. Life is a circle. In reality, there is no injustice towards you or anyone else. Receiving from others is simply a matter of time; it will come to you sooner or later, and the important thing is whether you open your heart to receive it!

Know that all of you, born and existing in this world, have mutual obligations and connections with one another. Giving and receiving are a cyclical exchange. When you give good things, you will receive peace of mind. Understand that giving does not mean there is any calculation involved. Because the more you calculate, the more you will feel constrained, because such giving means your heart is not pure. In that case, you give, but you don't receive the intangible joy from the act of giving itself.

Everything you give and receive in relationships involves a give-and-take. Sometimes it's a tangible exchange, and sometimes it's an intangible one. Every person you know, love, hate, or resent... It's all a matter of fate. It's fate that brings you together, allowing you to meet, to love, and to hate.

The initial connection is determined by karma, but to maintain a long-lasting bond and transform that connection into love requires your decision, based on what each person gives. But remember, in love, there's no expectation of receiving anything in return, because love is always an unfair law of the heart, without definition or logic. Is there or isn't there:

- Yes, when you receive happiness.

- No, when you receive disappointment and suffering!

It's all in a vicious cycle. But even knowing that life sometimes doesn't go as planned, keep giving. Giving is a way of loving yourself, of flowing with the current of life, of humanity.

Life is like a river, like life itself dissolving with time, always flowing but constantly renewing, forever changing yet eternally the same. All rivers eventually flow to the sea, and from the vast ocean, they pour into vast, overflowing rivers; this ceaseless cycle is life. There will never be death, because the end is also the beginning of new life...

Many people believe that having money is the key to happiness in life, because with a lot of money, you won't starve, you won't have to live in the cold, and you can eat and wear whatever you want. But ultimately, money only brings happiness if you know how to use it for the right purpose. Like using your money for charity or buying a gift for someone you love. If you have a lot of money but don't want to use it for anything, then happiness will never come to you. The things that can bring happiness are incredibly simple, such as:

- A hug, a smile, love

And the special thing is that very few people realize this, so they search for what they consider great things, like a job with good promotion prospects, a big house with a huge amount of money in their bank account, and ultimately, when their search fails or reaches a dead end, they feel like they are living a meaningless life. Therefore, you need to know what you want, and then dedicate all your heart to it. Then you can easily see the simple things and find happiness in your life.

There are many ways to find happiness, but if you don't want to search or live indifferently to life, you won't experience joy, peace, and true happiness. For example, a farmer diligently walks a long road to the farm, but after working in the fields, he returns home with a bright smile, happily sits down to dinner with his family, and even has some interesting stories about what he encountered on the way to tell his family. On the other hand, a rich man, no matter where he goes or what he does, travels in a luxurious car, but he doesn't feel happy, because throughout the long journey, he only focuses on the fact that this transaction didn't yield much profit. Besides that, he thinks of nothing but himself.

Happiness in life is simply about caring about everything around you, looking at it in a positive light, and sharing it with others so that joy spreads and happiness is shared.

In the two worlds of rich and poor, you always feel that poor families are more pitiable and less happy. Wealthy parents have more resources to care for and love their children than poor parents who work tirelessly just to provide food for their children. If that were true, you would never see smiles on the faces of the poor. In reality, wealth or poverty is not important and is not related to happiness in life. The most important thing is how family members love and experience that love. If you only think that fulfilling all the demands of your loved ones is enough, then your love will be like a flower that blooms in the morning and wilts in the evening, fading away with changing emotions.

In the spirit of giving being more fulfilling than receiving in life, you must strive to embody love in all circumstances, whether rich or poor, whether abundant or lacking. Because love always works wonders. Therefore, open your heart and embrace even the simplest things, and you will discover the greatest happiness in your life. The compassionate spirit of Buddhism is the most miraculous and precious thing in creating human happiness.

Because compassion and loving-kindness go hand in hand. On the one hand, it takes away suffering and pain; on the other hand, it brings people faith, love, and happiness. That is, giving unconditionally. Therefore, understanding that the principle of giving being more fulfilling than receiving means extending your loving heart to others, the spirit of compassion is truly worth encouraging, noting that the natural nature of humanity is compassionate and gentle. Your loving-kindness and compassion towards your friends are truly necessary in many cases. But according to Buddhist practice, to develop true compassion, you must first practice meditation on equality and equanimity, letting go of those closest to you. Then, you must eliminate negative feelings towards people you dislike. Everyone must be treated equally. On that basis, you can gradually develop genuine compassion for all. It must be said that genuine compassion is not the same as pity or the feeling that others are inferior to you. Rather, with genuine compassion, you see others as more important than yourself.

To cultivate genuine compassion, you must first experience the practice of equanimity. This becomes very important because without a sense of equanimity towards all, your perception of others will be biased. Therefore, you must practice meditation on developing equanimity:

First, you must think about a small group of people you know, such as your friends and relatives, towards whom you have an attachment.

Second, you should think about some people towards whom you feel completely indifferent.

Third, think about some people you dislike.

Once you have visualized these different people, you must try to observe your natural mental reactions when encountering them. You will notice that your natural reaction is attachment towards your friends, dislike towards those you consider enemies, and complete indifference towards those you consider neither friends nor enemies. Then you must try to question yourself. You must compare the effects of the two opposing attitudes you have towards your friends and enemies, and see why you have such fluctuating states of mind towards these different groups of people. You must see what influences have created such reactions in your mind and try to see the futility of relating to them in such extreme attitudes. You must contemplate this and then try to minimize your strong emotions towards these two opposing groups of people. Then, most importantly, you must contemplate the fundamental equality between yourself and all other sentient beings. Just as you have a natural, innate desire for happiness and to overcome suffering, so do all other sentient beings.

If you look at humanity as a whole, you are members of society. Furthermore, the changes in modern society clearly show that the world has become a smaller place, and therefore, you are more interdependent. Under such circumstances, the only choice is to live and work together harmoniously and to keep in mind the well-being of all humanity. This is the only perspective and approach you must adopt for your survival. Furthermore, in your daily life, you now use many conveniences, including things like air conditioning in your home. These things, these conveniences, have become a reality not because of you alone, but because of the direct or indirect contributions of many people. Everything is interconnected. You cannot return to the lifestyle of a few centuries ago, when you relied only on simple tools, not all these machines. It is very clear to you that you are now enjoying the products of the labor of many people. Therefore, you have an equal right to happiness, and because you are all interconnected, regardless of whether an individual is important or unimportant. Logically, the well-being of five billion people on this planet is more important than that of a single individual. If you only think about yourself and neglect the rights and well-being of others, it is a terrible thing, as Newton's third law states:

- If you exploit others, you will ultimately suffer the consequences.

You will lose your friends, those who represent your peace of mind. Furthermore, if misfortune befalls you, instead of feeling concern, people might even secretly rejoice because of your selfishness. Conversely, if you have compassion and altruism and a genuine concern for others in your heart, then, regardless of whether you know many people or not, wherever you go, you will immediately have friends. And when you face adversity, many people will come to your aid. True friendship develops based on genuine human feelings, not on money or power. Of course, through your wealth and power, more people may approach you with broad smiles and gifts. But deep down, these people are not your true friends, but rather friends of your wealth or power. As long as your good fortune lasts, these people will often approach you. But when your luck runs out, they will no longer be there. With this kind of friendship, no one will make a sincere effort to help you if you need it.

True friendship is based on genuine human feelings, regardless of one's social status. Therefore, the more you show concern for the interests and well-being of others, the more genuine a friend you will be. The more open and sincere you are, the principle of giving and receiving will ultimately come back to you. If you neglect or disregard others, you will ultimately lose your own benefits. Of course, in all areas of life, there is no doubt that compassionate motivation is important and appropriate. Regardless of whether you are religious or not, compassion for life, especially in the field of healthcare, is reflected in the Vietnamese proverb:

- A good doctor is like a loving mother.

This means that Vietnamese people believe the effectiveness of treatment depends on the warm heart of the doctor. Because of this proverb, when treatment from a doctor is ineffective, people blame the doctor's character, speculating that perhaps the doctor is not a compassionate person. That unfortunate doctor sometimes receives a very bad reputation! So, in the field of medicine, there is no doubt that compassion is something very appropriate.

Similarly, with lawyers and politicians. If politicians and lawyers are motivated by compassion and work with the motto:

- Giving is better than receiving

Then it will benefit society, and perhaps there will be fewer scandals. And as a result, the whole society will be more peaceful, and political behavior will become more effective and respected. Therefore, for these reasons, compassion, or what is sometimes called human feeling, is a key factor in all human interactions. Just as you see that with the palm, all five fingers become useful; if the fingers are not connected to the hand, they are useless. Similarly, every human action without a sense of humanity becomes dangerous. With a sense of humanity and an appreciation of human values, all human actions will become useful. Even religion, which should be good for humanity, can become abhorrent without a compassionate attitude as its foundation. Unfortunately, even now, there are troubles entirely because of different religions. Therefore, compassion and kindness are fundamental. If compassion and humanity are present, then all human actions will become more beneficial.

There are diverse side effects in addition to highlighting your sense of compassion. One of these is that the greater your capacity for compassion, the faster your recovery when facing difficult challenges, and your ability to transform them into more positive conditions. In this practice, you contemplate your old self, the embodiment of selfishness, self-centeredness, etc., and then contemplate a group of people representing the multitude of other beings. Then you adopt a third-person perspective as an impartial observer and perform a comparative assessment of the values, concerns, and importance of these two groups. Also, try to reflect on the shortcomings that are clearly detrimental to the well-being of other beings, etc., and what that old self has achieved as a result of pursuing such a lifestyle. Then reflect on other beings and see how important their well-being is, and the need to serve them, etc.

The greater your capacity for altruism towards sentient beings, the more courageous you become. The more courageous you are, the less likely you are to become discouraged and lose hope. Therefore, compassion is also a source of inner strength. With increased inner strength, you can develop unwavering determination, and with determination, there is a greater chance of success, regardless of any obstacles that may arise. Conversely, if you feel hesitant, fearful, and lacking in confidence, then you often reinforce that pessimistic attitude, which is the true seed of failure. With a pessimistic attitude, you cannot accomplish even things that you could easily achieve. Conversely, even if something is difficult to attain, if you have unwavering determination, you will ultimately be able to achieve it. Therefore, compassion is crucial for a successful future.

However, depending on the level of wisdom, there are different levels of compassion, such as compassion motivated by genuine insight into the fundamental nature of reality, compassion motivated by a correct understanding of the impermanent nature of existence, and compassion motivated by awareness of the suffering of other sentient beings. Your level of wisdom, or the depth of your insight into the nature of reality, determines the level of compassion you will experience. From a Buddhist perspective, compassion with wisdom is paramount. Compassion is like an honest person, and wisdom is like a capable person; when you combine the two, the result is something very effective.

Reflect on the shortcomings of a self-centered attitude in thought and life, and also reflect on the positive consequences of being aware of the well-being of other sentient beings and acting for their benefit, and be convinced of this. Therefore, in Buddhist meditation, there is a special type of training known as the practice of Giving and Receiving. This is specifically designed to cultivate your capacity for loving-kindness and compassion towards other beings. Basically, it involves visualizing taking upon yourself all the suffering, pain, negative experiences, and unwanted things of other beings. You visualize taking these things upon yourself and giving or sharing your own positive qualities with others. For example, your moral virtues, your positive energy, your wealth, your happiness, etc. Such a form of training, although it may not actually result in reducing the suffering of others or producing positive qualities in yourself, is a psychological method that will bring about a very effective transformation in your mind, and your feelings of loving-kindness and compassion will be enhanced.

Trying to apply this practice in your daily life is incredibly powerful and can have a very effective influence on your mind and your well-being. If you feel that it is necessary to practice this, then regardless of whether you are a religious person or not, you should strive to cultivate the fundamental good qualities of humanity. One thing you should remember is that these mental transformations take time and are not easy. Therefore, keep it in mind and make a continuous effort, and after one year, five years, ten years, fifteen years, you will eventually see some changes.

In short, the spirit of giving for greater happiness is a self-evident truth and happens as soon as you practice it. To conclude this article, I would like to share with you a short story I found somewhere online:

- One day, a young student had the opportunity to take a walk with his professor. This professor is often affectionately called by his first name by his students because of his friendly and kind nature towards them.

On their way, the two men came across a pair of old shoes lying by the roadside. They assumed they belonged to a poor farmer working in a nearby field. The student turned to the professor and said:

- "Let's play a trick on the farmer. I'll hide his shoes, and then you and I will hide behind those bushes to see his reaction when he can't find them." The professor stopped him:

- "No, young man, you should never make fun of poor people for your own amusement. But you are a wealthy student; you can find much greater joy by helping this farmer. Put a coin in each of his shoes and see his reaction."

The student did as the professor instructed, and then they both hid behind a nearby bush. Soon, the farmer finished his work and crossed the field to where his shoes and coat were. As he put on his coat and slipped his foot into one shoe, he felt something hard inside. He bent down to see what it was and found a coin. Astonishment and disbelief were clearly visible on his face. He carefully examined the coin, turning it over and over, and looking at it closely. Then he looked around but saw no one. At that moment, he put the coin in his pocket and continued to put on the other shoe. His surprise seemed to be multiplied when he found a second coin inside the shoe. Overwhelmed with emotion, the farmer knelt, looked up to the sky, and loudly expressed his sincere gratitude. He expressed his thanks to the invisible but generous hand that had provided a timely gift, saving his family from destitution, his sick wife, who had no one to care for her, and his children, who were starving. The student was speechless with emotion, tears streaming down his face. The professor said:

- "Do you feel happier now than you would have if you had made fun of him?"

The young man replied:

- "Professor, you have taught me a lesson I will never forget."

And he continued, "Now I understand the true meaning of a saying I didn't understand before:

- 'Giving is happier than receiving.'

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