DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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There are many types of smiles:

- Smirking

- Sarcastic smile

- Scornful smile

- Half-mouth smile

- Relaxed smile

Among the ways of smiling, as a practitioner, you need to choose for yourself a way of smiling, and how to smile appropriately. When I was a monk at the Buddhist Institute, the Supervisor gave me very practical advice. He asked me what I did first after waking up in the morning. I replied:

- Yes, I clean up.

He asked me:

- Is there a mirror in the bathroom?

I replied:

- Yes.

He said:

- Good, then look in the mirror and smile before brushing your teeth. I want you to smile at yourself in the mirror.

I defended myself:

- What's there to smile about, Master? We monks often sleep late, and when we wake up in the morning we're scared to see our faces.

He smiled slightly, looked straight into my eyes and said:

- If you can't laugh naturally, use your two index fingers to stretch your mouth and laugh.

As he spoke, he tried it and said:

- Like this.

I saw his face looked very strange. I burst out laughing. He told me to try it. I did it for him to see.

The next morning, I just got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom. I looked up at the mirror and saw that I couldn't open my mouth to laugh. I listened to the supervisor and stretched my mouth with my hands. I saw the idiot in the mirror and couldn't stop laughing. The idiot laughed back at me. I laughed louder. He laughed louder too. Finally, we both laughed together.

I practiced laughing like this for two years. Every morning, after waking up, no matter what I did, I would smile at myself in the mirror with my two index fingers.

I could try this two-finger joke at any time. It helps me a lot, especially when I am sad or depressed. Laughing helps endorphins strengthen the immune system and make you excited. Laughing helps you see the best, the good things, and laughing makes you beautiful. So if before coming to the temple, you have not had the opportunity to smile at yourself in the mirror, then at Duoc Su Temple I have a mirror ready, near the entrance to the main hall. You should practice smiling a bright, innocent smile before entering the main hall, then surely all the hardships and sadness will disappear immediately. Just practice like that, and soon you will feel happy, and like that Duoc Su Temple will have another name, Duoc Su Cosmetics, or Ten Thousand Medicine Buddha Cosmetics Institute.

So please spread the word to each other, don't go to a beauty salon and waste money. Many people are not happy, so they have to find a counselor. Many people suffer from depression and have to go to a psychotherapist. That's why I heard that this is a super profitable business, earning billions of dollars a year. Getting rich on the suffering of others, how sad!

However, the Buddhist tradition, especially Duoc Su Temple, does not charge for any services such as Lectures, printing, consulting, advising, etc., so if anyone feels sad or suffering, come to Duoc Su Temple to sing Karaoke and laugh together to relax.

So every Saturday, before you go to the Temple to listen to the Dharma, chant Sutras, meditate, remember to look in the mirror and practice smiling brightly. But if you forget, don't worry because the Temple also has a big mirror. If you forget at home, just go to the Temple and look in the mirror I placed near the door before entering the main hall to listen to the Dharma, chant Sutras. In the direction of finding a smile for yourself, or keeping a smile on your lips forever, you should remember to praise yourself a little bit now and then. Self-praise and self-laughter, apart from benefiting yourself, certainly do not harm anyone.

The reason I say this is because all of you want to be praised but often get criticized. It is reasonable because everyone in this life seems to have the same disease:

- Often criticize more than praise others.

When talking about Buddhism with Buddhists, I often use the saying:

- When you are praised, don't be happy, when you are criticized, don't be sad.

However, after all, you have to say it again. When you are not praised, it is often difficult to keep a smile on your lips, or good things will be forgotten and lost. Therefore, compliments, even just one word, have the power to maintain a smile and promote other virtues. Many people in society like to hear compliments and do everything to be flattered. As a Buddhist, you must know this rule to use when necessary to make people smile more.

When I was in California, there was a new kid from a refugee camp. Due to unavoidable circumstances, he had to cross the sea alone. Because he had no family and was still young, he was often discouraged. Seeing that, I encouraged him to join the Buddhist Youth Association. He was naturally restless, so to cheer him up, the members held a party, eating, drinking, and singing together. The leaders wore paper hats, climbed on chairs, sang and clapped, and the girls danced and threw colored paper flowers. Some even played music that he liked. Before long, he was given special attention and became the main actor of the party, and he smiled. With the praise and encouragement of the young people, he gradually became bolder. The pleasure of knowing that he was the main thread of the party affected his nervous system, which loved to be flattered like adults.

Sometimes you think that flattery doesn't help anyone, but, flattery, if you know how to use it, will lead people to success and friendliness. Indeed, compliments can create smiles, compliments are also worth the money, not only strengthen friendships but also create happiness, so you need to spread compliments widely. The person you find hardest to compliment is yourself. I often hear many people not only say but also harshly condemn:

- Self-praise is an act of arrogance.

But after all, self-praise is not a chivalrous act, but rather a generous one. Because praising yourself is praising your virtues, which is a positive action that encourages you to smile, not a bad one. So please allow me to compliment Duoc Su Pagoda a little:

The other day an American woman called to ask to learn meditation. She mumbled:

- I heard that you teach meditation…

I slowly replied:

- Yes, ma'am.

She got straight to the point:

- How much do you charge?

I replied:

- It's free, ma'am.

She said:

- Teaching for free is probably not good

She said that and hung up the phone. Hearing her say that, I naturally smiled, the smile on my lips was wide. It turns out that only those who live in Western society can understand what this old lady said. Because only those who live in this society know the saying:

- You get what you pay for.

So teaching religion without taking money is probably not the real thing.

I also received a similar phone call from someone on the occasion of the Jade Buddha returning to Duoc Su Temple:

Listening to the phone, I guessed that the other end of the line was a woman around 50 years old, perhaps this person had lived in the US for a long time, or rarely interacted with the Vietnamese community, that woman asked:

- I heard that Duoc Su Temple invited the Jade Buddha back and had performances every day.

I replied:

- Yes, ma'am. Every day from 2:00 PM to 10:00 PM

The voice on the other end of the line asked:

- How much is the entrance fee?

I explained:

- Free entrance.

A moment of silence. Then I heard her say:

- You don't understand what I mean. I want to ask how much I have to offer to get in.

I tried to be gentle:

- You don't need to offer any money. Free entrance.

She shouted on the other end of the line:

- Listen! Dollars! Coins! How much do I have to pay to get in?

- You don't have to pay anything. You just come and go in. And you can leave anytime. No one has the right to ask for your name or address. No one has the right to advertise anything. No one asks you to offer any money when you come in or go out. It's completely free.

Silence and more silence. Finally, she asked, I honestly wanted to know more:

- So what did the Masters get when they invited the Jade Buddha back, and when they listened to the music?

I replied:

- I was very happy when I saw many people come to worship the Jade Buddha and pay homage to the Jade Buddha. And I was happy when everyone also knew the path to liberation.

Truly, there is nothing more precious in life than a smile, and nothing more precious than happiness. You practice all your life just to have joy on your face, along with happiness in this life and the next. So even in this life, no matter how many difficulties and obstacles there are, you must practice smiling, besides smiling and being patient, you don't need to do anything else. I read this old story in a book that opens the mind, and only those who are tormented by suffering and sadness can fully understand the following story:

- There was a prisoner who was so afraid of being executed that he became severely depressed. The stone walls of the prison absorbed all the warmth; the large iron bars mocked all compassion; The deafening sound of the prison door closing shattered all his hopes. His heart sank to the bottom because the sentence was too long. One day he looked up at the wall and saw the following words scribbled on the stone where his head had been:

- This too shall pass.

These four words helped him to be more determined, perhaps they had helped many prisoners in this cell before. From then on, no matter how miserable he was, he always remembered:

- This too shall pass.

The day he was released, he understood very clearly the meaning of those four words. When he returned to life, he often thought about the message hastily written on the prison wall. He rewrote it on many small pieces of paper to keep by his pillow, in his car, at work. And he never suffered or was depressed again, no matter how dire the situation was, it would pass. He always reminded himself to strive and that difficulties never last forever. When he had good luck, he enjoyed it but was careful. It seemed that the good things came and stayed with him longer because he always kept in mind that the bad things would pass. Even when he had cancer, he thought of the phrase "This too shall pass" which gave him more strength and optimism, these two elixirs pushed back the cancer. Indeed, the day he went for a follow-up examination, the doctor said that his cancer had passed.

The day on his deathbed, lying on his hospital bed, he whispered to his relatives:

- This too shall pass and closed his eyes and left this world, peacefully.

His last words were the last gift of love he left to his family and friends. They learned a valuable lesson:

- Sorrow will pass.

Remember, suffering, sadness, anger, and bitterness are prisons each of you has experienced. They will pass, helping you escape safely. This message also enables you to avoid one of the major causes of depression. The events of suffering, sadness, and anger are common in life and can happen to anyone. There is only one difference, which is the difference between people who are not sad and people who are sad when facing misfortune.

Imagine, you just had fun with your friends on the beach one summer afternoon. When you come home, you see a whole truckload of manure dumped in front of your house. Of course, you didn't order the manure, so it's not your fault. The manure stinks and the stench permeates the house. You can't stand it. Being stuck, you don't see who dumped the manure, so you can't call them to come and clean it up. Through this story, I want to use metaphors:

- The pile of manure dumped in front of your house, I want to imply that it is the misfortunes that befall your life.

- You did not order it, which means you did not know in advance.

- You are stuck, you cannot call anyone to collect it, which means you are the only one who has to deal with it.

- The strong smell of manure entering the house means it has a bad influence on you.

So what should you do, how to solve it?

I would like to suggest three solutions:

- You complain: why do I have to endure this situation?

- The stench makes you unbearable: I would rather die!

- You are stuck, forcing you to take care of it yourself.

The first two solutions are negative, you cannot solve anything. The third solution has two solutions as follows:

Method 1: Get used to it by carrying manure in your shirt pocket, pants pocket, school bag, etc., but if you do that, people will avoid you. This metaphor says that you are bored, discouraged, and negative. That is the way:

- Just endure it and let it go!

And you will be avoided by everyone, not to mention that over time the manure will rot and stink more.

Method 2: Clean up. Bring a shovel, hoe, and wheelbarrow to scoop up the manure in the backyard to fertilize vegetables, flowers, and fruit trees.

The work is very hard, but there is no better choice. If you cannot finish it in a day, you have to work for many days to finish it. Finally, the pile of manure will be moved, the yard will no longer smell. Moreover, the manure will help vegetables grow well, flowers bloom with many colors and scents and the trees will bear many sweet fruits. When you have sweet fruits and fragrant flowers, invite neighbors to eat sweet fruits, and enjoy flowers, and you have more friends.

This solution implies:

- Bringing manure into the garden implies that you solve your unhappiness, that is, you must be patient and keep a smile on your lips, and turn unhappiness into happiness, that is, have sweet fruits, fragrant flowers, and good vegetables.

- Contemplating your mind garden, you can only do it alone and do it with patience and a smile. Like that, you need many months, many years to let go of suffering, then you will see the miraculous flowers of happiness blooming, the scent of love flying everywhere and the tree of wisdom bearing fruit on its branches. You will share everything with everyone.

And because you are someone who has experienced suffering and cultivated the mind garden, you can open your arms to embrace the person who is suffering and gently say:

- I know, I sympathize.

When a person who is suffering is shared by you, they realize that you understand, and their sadness will lessen. Then you introduce them to the hoe, the shovel, and the wheelbarrow and show them how to turn manure into flowers and vegetables. In Zen, many Zen masters are very calm in the face of adversity. Did they solve their misfortunes, that is, they had to be patient keep a smile on their lips, and turn misfortunes into happiness, that is, they had sweet fruits, fragrant flowers, and good vegetables. They did it alone and with patience and a smile, and it took them many months, many years to let go of suffering, and finally, the miraculous flower of happiness bloomed, the scent of love spread everywhere, and they had such a peaceful life.

The above lesson shows you that if you want to follow the path of compassion when you encounter adversity, you must choose a smile on your lips, and say the following:

- I have more fertilizer for my garden!

You just say that and you will feel comfortable, and no longer sad.

In short, this life is full of sadness, joy, love, and hate that you must face every day, but if you keep them in your heart, you will surely collapse at some point. So, if you want to live in peace when facing adversity, you must have a smile and patience. The question is:

- How do you keep a smile on your lips?

Answering this question, Venerable Ajahn Chah taught:

- You should be like a trash can with a hole in the bottom. The trash can receives all the trash that is brought in but does not keep any of it.

Therefore, if you want to have a healthy body, and a smile forever on your lips, then that body must be like a bottomless trash can that is never full or ever tired. Therefore, when you hear gossip or other people's trash, you are not sad or discouraged, but you can transform those obstacles into strength because that is the necessary condition for success in all situations. So please sing with me:

- Every day I choose a joy

Choose flowers and smiles

I pick up leaves from the sky and invite you to keep them

Let your eyes smile like flying leaves

And so I live happily every day

And so I come to everyone

I come to life with my heart.

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