DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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Living in this world, everyone wants to be perfect and wants to be a perfectionist, but few can do it. Because many mistakes keep you stuck in confusion and lead to a ruined life if you don't find a way out. Many things make you spoiled, but in general, there are three things that you often see the most. The three are:

- Wine & beauty of girls

- Anger,

- Arrogance

1- Wine and beauty of girls:

In the Buddhist scriptures, it is said that alcohol and beauty make you angry and lustful, always living in an unreal dream. Alcohol only makes you forget everything for a moment, but when you wake up, everything is still spinning around you. If you keep looking for forgetfulness in alcohol, it will only make you lose your direction in life. Moreover, when you are drunk, you cannot control yourself. If you are always immersed in alcohol and beer, living in drunkenness, forgetting who you are, you don't need to do anything, then wasting your life as a human being is a pity. Therefore, you must be aware that alcohol is one of the causes of social insecurity, broken families, and quarrels between spouses. It's not a magical elixir, so you should give it up when you can control it.

2- Anger and ignorance

The second thing is the easiest for you to notice. Anger is always accompanied by regret. As H.G. Bohn has a famous sentence:

- Anger begins with foolish actions and ends with regret.

When angry, it isn't easy to control yourself. Sometimes, just because of something you don't like, you get upset and create things that offend people, just like acting in anger is like sinking your boat in a storm. You pushed yourself into a deep hole without even realizing it. Living in anger causes you to lose part of your wisdom, patience, and harmony with others. It creates a big hole in your spiritual life. When you are angry, you often lose your true self. Losing intelligence is considered losing a person.

3- Arrogance

And the third thing to talk about is arrogance: Arrogance can arise from childhood, and can also be formed in lifestyle. Besides success, complacency is arrogance. Pride means being proud of what you have that others don't have, you are more talented than others. But in reality in this world, no one is better than anyone else, the important thing is that you must be persistent, diligent, effortful, humble, and honest. Because no amount of humility is enough, a little pride is too much. More or less is not a matter of quantity, but being arrogant once will create a long-term habit that makes you proud and complacent, but that is just a frog sitting at the bottom of the well. You only know that you are the best, a dream that makes you lose the will to strive in life, while in life you have to know how to rise, explore, and learn. Arrogance is a bad personality and an unstable future.

The three things above can ruin your life. The opposite of what is considered bad is good. If you are someone who promptly erases things when things are considered bad, then you will be a good person, a happy person. Such:

- The happiest person is the one who knows how to get angry but is never angry.

- The person who lives best is the one who knows how to be humble, and

- The person who loves life the most is the one who doesn't know how to drink.

That's all!

Not everyone is perfect, but if you are aware and have a direction in life, you can control your life, always be self-controlled, and not fall into the three things mentioned above, then you are a person with a perfect life.

The opposite of failure is success, and a broken person is a good person. If there is a time when a bad person is condemned and cursed by the public, good people are mentioned a lot in public opinion, in society, in the press, and popular culture. The description good person is used in a positive sense:

- When used positively it is used to imply that you always put the needs of others before your own, i.e. you always care about others. You always understand, always care about sharing people's confidences and thoughts, and always bring sympathy to others. In general, a good model is the desire of everyone in society.

A person is considered good depending on the perspective and perception of the other person. However, there are some common characteristics to identify a good person, or qualities of a good person including:

1- Be a care-about and respectful person:

As people who know how to care for and have respect for others, they will not hurt others.

2- Be a smart and responsible person:

As someone considered intelligent and responsible, you will know how to care for yourself and your family. You demonstrate professionalism at work and learn how to control your actions, words, and emotions.

3- Respect the truth

A person who does not lie does not betray, and is kind and extremely loyal. A person who knows how to empathize can understand others, knows how to put himself in other people's shoes, and experience their emotions. Among them, integrity is the most important standard.

4- Gentle and caring:

People who are gentle and sincere are good, frankly speaking, they care, take care, and treat them gently, making the other person happy.

5- Know how to harmonize:

As people who can adapt and harmonize, they are people who know how to accept differences, thereby helping the relationship go smoothly. Always listen to what others have to say, always listen to their opinions, and don't interrupt.

It should be noted that a good person is not simply a shiny, handsome, funny, well-spoken guy who is often very attractive, especially in the first minute, or a man with money, a house, and a car, good at studying, talent, performance, and temperament. A good person must be in dignity, ethics, and behavior and this is determined over time.

The reason many of you are unhappy is that everyone wants to be someone else, and doesn't want you to be. So somewhere on the internet, there is a parable to represent this:

- The Pig said: If I live one more time, I want to be a buffalo. Even though I work hard, I have a good reputation, and I am loved by people.

- The Buffalo said: If you let me live one more time, I want to be a pig, eat well and sleep well, don't have to do anything, don't sweat, life is like a fairy.

- The Eagle said: If you let me live one more time, I want to be a chicken, when I'm thirsty I have water, when I'm hungry I have rice, I have a room to live, and I have a protector.

- The Chicken said: If I live one more time, I want to be an eagle, able to fly in the sky, roam the four seas, catch rabbits, and kill chickens at will.

The wishes of the four animals are also what you often do, very few of you want to be you now. You are always incontinent so you admire other people, desire other people's things, admire other people's work, admire other people's excellent children, and admire other people's new houses, and new cars. Today you see Mr. A buying a new house, and immediately complain that your husband is not as capable as Mr. A. Tomorrow you see that Ms. B's family is very happy, and you immediately feel like you have met a lousy wife. But you don't pay attention to one thing, which is that each of you is also someone else's admirer.

Others may admire you as a talented person, admire your leisurely life, or your gentle children, you just don't know it. On the contrary, you don't know the person you admire. They may be under a lot of pressure, not eating well, not sleeping well, or repressing sad things that they cannot share with anyone. Therefore, don't just look at the surface of things, because you are all afraid of losing face, and even want to show your good side to everyone. So it's hard for you to see the difficulties behind other people's glory. But you should remember:

- They have their worries, and you have your happiness.

Happiness is like a person drinking water, whether it is warm or cold only the person drinking the water knows. Other people are not you, they don't know the journey you've gone through, so they don't know whether you're happy or sad in your heart. On the contrary, you are the same.

You admire your friend who studies very well, but do you know that your friend works hard every day and stays up all night to study? You admire celebrities with beautiful bodies, but do you know that they always have to calculate calories, diet, and only eat one meal a day?

You admire someone who has a lot of things, but that shows that person has to take on more responsibility and risk than others. You can admire someone who can travel here and there, but that shows they have to worry about their career, otherwise their pockets will be wasted every day because of travel expenses.

Every story is like two sides of a coin, where there is a head, there is a tail. When you admire someone else, you don't see the pain and suffering behind their back or inside that that other person doesn't want others to know.

No life is perfect, so don't admire others so much that you forget yourself. Just understand, that he has his troubles, and you have your happiness.

- Speaking from a negative perspective:

Other people's happiness has nothing to do with you, if you know what you want, then you won't admire other people's happiness either. If you don't know what you want, even if you are happy, it still won't be enough.

- Speak from a positive perspective

Someone else's happiness is your happiness, you can apply this to your family, your clan, or your friends...

Thus, to be a good person, you must overcome jealousy or excessive admiration:

- One, see the things you admire as examples to encourage yourself. Close to the elite, enjoy that elite. Change your mood, if someone is better than you, praise that person. Affirm that you don't have to be better than that person, but at least you and that person have a good relationship and can learn from that person.

- Two, go find them and ask: Are you happy?

In this world, there are no ten perfections or ten beauties. When you admire others, it's also time to accept their unsatisfactory things, because of the so-called: Every family has their own difficult-to-overcome experiences.

- Three, ask yourself: Why do I admire that person?

People always admire each other. Admiring others will pay a huge price, often losing yourself. Why not let yourself become someone else's admirer? And somewhere there are many fans of Mr. and Mrs. A's family because this family is so happy. Once someone was curious and asked:

- Why and how do you make your family as happy as it is today?

Mr. A honestly recounted:

- Actually, there is no such thing as a secret or a secret, it depends on the spirit of mouth and heart of admiration.

He recounts his family life:

- On the wedding night, my wife waited for me to take off my shoes before going to bed, and she immediately stepped on my shoes. I looked at her, I smiled, and asked why.

She said:

- My mother told me that on the wedding night if I step on my husband's shoes, I will never be angry with my husband for the rest of my life.

Hearing that I said:

- My mother told me that if a wife steps in her husband's shoes, she will share the same suffering as her husband for the rest of her life.

From then on, my wife began to manage me from small to big things. My wife told me to empty the toilet, so I did. The family's fields, whatever my wife tells me to plant, I plant. The girls in the neighborhood, my wife told me to stay away from any girl or go near any girl, I did the same. I'm chatting with everyone. If my wife just calls, I'll go home right away. I was drinking with friends, my wife pulled my ear and I followed her home.

Seeing that, my friend said excitedly:

- If a woman doesn't fight for 3 days, she will warp like a roof tile. You're also a man, why do you let your wife take care of him like that? If she were my wife, I would beat her three times a day.

Hearing my friend say that, I said:

- Bring your wife here, I'll also beat her three times a day.

Hearing me say that, my friend frowned:

- In your previous life, you were a monk, so you never saw a woman! There's no one like you, you wife-fearing man!

Things in the village needed everyone to discuss, all the men came, and everyone teased me:

- You can't solve this problem, or do you have to call your wife to help you?

Hearing everyone say that, I immediately invited my wife to attend the seminar!

At that time, my wife was able to manage me, so she was very pleased. One day, my wife asked why I pampered her like that.

I told my wife:

- Do you know why I pamper you, don't scold you, or hit you?

Because of my mother. My mother suffered all her life because of my father's harshness. When something is dissatisfying, my mother says the first sentence, and the second sentence my father immediately beats her. My father used a beaded stick to beat my mother until one stick was broken. My mother endured it all her life for her children. Every time I saw my mother being beaten by my father, I swore to myself: When I get married, I will not hurt my wife's fingertips. It's not that I'm afraid of you, because I can't forget my mother's words:

- Being a woman is born to be loved by men, not born to be tortured and beaten by men!

When she heard me say that, my wife was stunned, because she did not imagine that I was so loving and generous. So from then on, I drank alcohol and played with friends. She never called, no longer pulled me by the ear, and sometimes even brought me water to drink.

Someone asked me, just like you asked me, how do I teach my wife now?

I would like to seriously answer you:

- Hitting a woman will teach her to obey. She was speechless because she was afraid. But loving a woman will teach her to respect you both mouth and heart.

In short, being a good person is not difficult but not easy. It's difficult because you don't want to put yourself in a frame. But it's easy when you know what you have to do because everyone likes the truth, and everyone likes peace and love. It means you know that accepting an ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie. So it can be said that a person who is not sincere is not considered good, and where there is no sincerity, there is no true happiness. Even though a girl is beautiful and luxurious, she will have no value and bring no joy to anyone if she always lies.

You are good and sincere, you always maintain peace in your soul. Don't be afraid that bad things will be exposed, because lies will be afraid of being hidden first and exposed later, but sincerity is a good person with only one portrait, not afraid of being discovered.

Good people are always trusted and loved by others. Sincere words have great persuasive power. A sincere confession, even if clumsy, still makes the other person's heart flutter better than a thousand sweet but deceitful words. With a good heart, when you lose many things like money and work, but if you are trusted, you still have many opportunities to rise. Nowadays, employers in companies are very interested in this quality. Some employees lack some skills that employers require, but when you dare to tell the truth as you know, they still accept you to work and train later.

The saying goes:

- Sincerity, kindness, that is the highest wisdom.

Many people think that it is wise to deceive others, but in reality, they only make people believe for a moment, only sincere and kind-hearted people can win the trust of others for a long time. So being a good or bad person is up to you to choose.

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